Friday, July 13, 2007

Much Like The Unenjoyment Office...

The Social Insecurity Office is a nightmare!! In the third of four steps needed to relinquish my 1st married name and grab a tight hold of my 2nd married name, I had to brave this quest (foolishly) on a Friday afternoon thinking, ha ha, that it wouldn't be that full.


When we were "seasonally unemployed" back in the ballet days, my husband and I used to play the Unenjoyment Office game when we went to apply every summer. Much like Spot the Toupee that my girlfriends and I play at concerts, the Unenjoyment Game consisted of spotting the Lesbian Couple, the Angry Black Woman, the Haggard "I Can't Hear You're Nagging Anymore" WASPy husband and wife couple, the Stripper/Hooker and the Poor Soul Who Doesn't Speak English and Therefore is Never in the Right Line. We found all of them almost every single time.

Guess what? They aren't just in California. They're in Florida too, livin' large. Here, Lesbian Couple were pissed that they had to wait so long, Angry Black Woman was behind me and had no concept about Personal Space. I swear, if she huffed and muttered down my neck one more time I was about to go Jerry Springer on her ass. At one point, she had her elbow and entire forearm ahead of me in line while she leaned on the stanchion post. I wish I had my camera with me because I could have shared a great shot of my new passport with teeth marks in it. Pretty sure WASPy couple came from Boca and maybe even followed me from Oakland... Stripper/Hooker had the biggest schmeebs I think I have ever seen in real life (and they were being only just harnessed by a green crisscross bathing suit under her bedazzled two sizes too small jeans) and Poor Soul had still not been helped by the time I left with the promise that I would have a new card in two weeks.

An aside: Previous stories about my 4-year-old nephew have graced this blog - many of them having a religious theme. He goes to a Christian Pre-school - his parents are decidedly not, but they like the atmosphere and the educational care.

Today after school:

K: Mommy, can I see your bracelet that Auntie Lollie gave you for being a bridesmaid at her wedding?
E: Sure sweetheart (removes silver cuff bracelet from arm and hands to small child)
K: Mommy look at me! (shoving the bracelet onto his bicep)
E: Hey! You look like a Super Hero!
K: No Mama, I look like a Philistine!

My brother and E continue to be horrified...

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