Saturday, September 29, 2007

No Bloody Way

Back in my dancing days, when I was a skinny stick, I thought I would be civic-minded and give blood. I entered the Bloodmobile in Oakland and offered up my veins. The nurse took one look at me and asked me how much I weighed. A hundred pounds I said. She looked at me with knitted brow, cocked her head to one side, and said, "I'm sorry sweetheart, you need all the blood you can get."

Rejected by the Bloodmobile.

Fast forward 10 years and 20 pounds...picture me staring down the Bloodbus in the WalMart parking lot at 10 am this morning.

Knowing that I'm now robust enough to donate I figure I would relive my civic-mindedness and offer up the veins once more. I trot confidently over to the bus before shopping, poke my head in and state proudly, "I'd like to donate please." All smiles, the nurses lead me to the back of the bus and I sit for the blood letting. After I say that this is my first time and I don't even know what type my blood is, Anya, the Russian nurse, says that she just needs to give me a quick physical. I tell Anya that I am coming down with a cold and ask, "Will affect the quality of the donation?"

I swear to god, she looks at me with knitted brow, cocks her head to one side, and says, "Oh, this will just make you sicker. I'm sorry sweetheart, you need all the blood you can get."

Friday, September 28, 2007

For Sassmaster

Hey Sass,

Speaking of ripping things off...

Not so funny now, is it Mr. Smartypants?

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

The Rest of the Fun

About to eat a massive pizza, so this will have to be short - yes, I'm sorry, the food takes priority.

Did Disney, it was great. The rides were thrilling, but not as thrilling as the lack of lines. Running through the maze and getting to the front of the line at Splash Mountain was almost as fun as getting plowed with water at the end of the ride.

Lost my camera somewhere between The Happiest Place on Earth and Sash and E's house (aka The Loudest Place on Earth). Sadly, no Disney pics...meaning no evidence of me trouncing Belle and that Teapot guy.

Lazy day on Saturday. Did the requisite coffee and bagel run, laying around the house a bit and then shopping. Lunch at The Key Lime House (had to let T & S in on a little "Old Florida") mostly for the crabcakes. Drinks at The Sundy House - just so they could see where we got married - they were unable to attend because of the damn Canadian election...damn you Stephen Harper (T is a reporter in Vancouver), and then we had an amazing dinner at The Falcon House. Timmy is a prince and we love him more every time we visit his joint. An honourable Cabernet Mention: Darioush! Must have more Darioush! For anyone who is planning to visit, The Falcon is stop #1.

Sunday we took off to South Beach, hung at the pool for schnacks, walked the beach, got caught in the rain, and checked into our rooms. A quick nap later and we were ready to stuff more food into our gullets, but only after a stop at The Rose Room in The Delano. This place never ceases to awe me. I just love the layers and layers of floor to ceiling white billowy curtains. So South Beach you could throw up. But beautifully tanned big boobed vomit though. Emeril's was up to snuff as usual - never been disappointed there. And, as usual, we totally crapped out after swearing we were "so gonna party." 9:30 and we took our fat drunk asses to the hotel and fell instantly asleep.

Breakfast in Ft Lauderdale on Las Olas Ave and back home to rest. Seriously - needed to rest because we had not stopped up until that point. Then T & S made dinner for us and that, folks, was the End of the Fun.

Monday, September 24, 2007

Note To All

If you want to conquer the beast, it should be done on a Thursday when school's in. The Hulk was, as they say, Incredible.

First off - we practically ran through the maze of ropes and stantions to the top of the ride. We asked the ticket lady (she looked like Florida Evans from Good Times) about the FastPass and she literally looked from left to right and waved her hand Carol Merrill style and said, "Honey. Do you see anyone here? It's empty, child, don't bother. You ain't gonna see no lines."

And we didn't!

We even got to sit in the front seat. People who have used the phrase What a rush! don't know from Jack unless they've been in the front seat of this ride. Holy crap was it was crazy fun. I don't want to ruin it for Hulk Virgins so don't read the next sentence if you are one of those. The climb to the top of the drop isn't made of the usual creeps along until you are 3/4 of the way there and then it propels you rocket-style up the last portion and dumps you over the crest to fall screaming for a good five seconds down the first fall. Oooooh! It's SO good.

I felt a little vomity after that one (it was the first one) so I staved off from the second ride, which was the Spiderman Experience. I'm told we must return so I can see what that one is all about. I'm into coming back.

But only on a Thursday when school is in.

More on the vacay later, I have to attend to my guests for another half day and they are off in the wee hours tomorrow.

Tuesday, September 18, 2007


It's been a week...holy. I am off to Whorlando tomorrow with My Guy to meet T and S (childhood friends) for a few days in the City That Must Be Conquered.

I hear it's going to rain all day on Thursday. I swear...if we get Bogarted in line for The Hulk again, I'm going to pitch a 2 1/2 year-old's fit. Crying, kicking and I may even include pounding on the pavement.

Back on Friday to catch a little house/family time and then we all are going to South Beach for a little Miami R&R (and a little food at Emeril's!).

I've been looking forward to this mini vacation for a long time now.

Question: Should I follow my niece's lead and slap Mickey like she did on her last visit?

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

It's Just Bad Dance, Y'All

Pink India Ink made a very good point in her last post about the Brit disaster on the VMAs this past weekend.

I'm with her as far as the whole leave her body alone thing. I mean, the Momma has had two okay - she looks a helluva lot better than some of the soccer moms I've seen sporting too small and age inappropriate outfits.


I was a performer in another life and damn. If you have THAT venue and it's being toted as a COMEBACK...get your sh*t in a pile Brit. That was shameful! Doddering, uncommitted, tentative, half-hearted, unsure, lazy, faltering. If your routine was changed ala last minute and you felt you needed more rehearsal, then heft your starpower weight and call an all-nighter. Or get a GD video of the steps, kiss your kiddies goodnight, put on your track, and Work On It.

Here's what I think: She doesn't want to do this anymore.

And if so, then spare us all the hype and excuses and just hang up your Go-Go boots. Many a star has made many a graceful exit. Obviously it's too late for you, so just put your frozen Margarita down, say your sorry and bow out now.

Friday, September 07, 2007

Who Knew This Came With Eye Candy?!

So, there I was at 9:00 am, sitting in my office corner of the Brooklyn apartment, cuppa tea, black robe, bed head.

After an hour or so, I looked to my left out the window at the sidewalk, and to my surprise it was filled up with a long line of about 200 African American men.

Very. Good. Looking. Men.


Took me a second to realize that the Million Man March was not being recreated outside my NY digs, but rather, Spike Lee's (up until now) fairly dormant 40 Acres and a Mule Production company at the end of the street was holding auditions.

Needless to say, I locked and loaded every single face as they passed by my place so I could recognize who would be the lucky soul who aced the audition when I saw the next Spike Lee Joint. It's fun to think that somebody is going to get a very happy phone call in the near future...

Monday, September 03, 2007

I Can't Believe I Ate The Whole Thing

Things I have been blissed out by (while consuming), but then have lived to regret (immediately):

1) Two packets, one chicken the other beef, of Ramen noodles
2) A large tub of buttered popcorn
3) Three shots of vodka with coke chasers
4) A full plate of Fettuccine Alfredo
5) Brownie Bites - 8 of them
6) An entire box of Gummy Worms
7) King Crab legs, every inch dipped in clarified butter
8) Let's add KFC to this list. Any food item, any amount.
This past Labour Day weekend, I've consumed numbers 1, 2 and 5. Does anyone have a stomach pump?