Monday, April 28, 2008

On A Brighter Note, At Least I Have Boobs Now

That's me...back when I was skinny and in shape.

"What?!" says current Lollie, "I'm in shape! Round's a shape."

I'm just having a moment.

I know it's for the greater good, but I'm just feeling sorry for my ass, literally.

It's HUGE.

Sorry, ass. We used to be friends.

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

WhiskeyMarie, CatLady, Lollie, BabyMama

Just like WM didn't want to become the CatLady (but kinda did in her last post - sorry Whiskey), I never wanted to be the baby crazed lunatic that I've become. So yes, poor readers, this is another one that could be tagged as Baby Crap.

Ray and I went to our first Bradley childbirthing class last Friday and Holy Grateful Dead, is Janet (not her real name...okay, yes it is) is a huge Flower Child. Just what we were not hoping for. She lives in a very cute, sometimes affluent, neighbourhood near Palm Beach...but her house is the one on the entire block that has a neglected yard, clapboardish house (needs a lick of paint and the carport is leaning a bit), and windchimes galore. She opened the door and what was she wearing? Say it with me now. 1, 2, 3...TIE-DYE! Ray and I introduced ourselves and simultaneously gave each other the stink eye as we passed over her threshold.

We were offered natural iced tea and hot air popped popcorn (could you have guessed that there wouldn't be a microwave within 40 feet of the house?). I had to go to the can, as usual, and low and behold the credo of the casa is "If it's yellow let it mellow, if it's brown flush it down." Me? I don't care what colour it is, it's going away. Sorry Mother Earth.

So the class was supposed to be two hours, ending at 9:30, and probably would have if we didn't get the entire low-down on Janet's life and births ("Oh and guys, here's the really neat thing. My husband filmed our last child's home birth, so we'll be watching that during class five or so. Isn't that great?" You should've seen Ray's face as he nodded almost imperceptably.). And we also learned about her math skills. The woman can not, for the life of her, figure out how many years are between 1967 and 2008, for example. Every time a year span would come into question, Ray would spit out the answer with increasing rapidity so we could get on with it.

It was everything we could do not to laugh out-loud when every hour, on the hour, Janet's Austrian-original wall clock broke out into a succession of cuckoo-cuckoo-cuckoos! Ray squeezed my leg so hard I still have tiny fingerprint bruises. I think he bit the inside of his lip.

So after getting the Bradley introduction, reading materials and course overview, we started at 9:20 with the Bradley exercises with the promise of moving on quickly to the guided meditation and relaxation techniques. Janet told me to close my eyes while she turned down the lights, put on her sleepy voice and a Yanni meets Seaside 8-track (not really, it was a CD), and led me through a side-lying guided meditation while Ray and the 19-year-old nursing student (did I mention that she was there observing for a paper she has to write for college? Oh, and that her name was Nicky and Janet kept interspersing Jackie every other time she referred to her?), sat on the floor next to me for 20 minutes feeling really uncomfortable. At least Ray expressed that she just had to be feeling the same way he was, "I mean, how could you not?"

We ended the session with really big, heart-felt hug and promises that next week wouldn't run so long but she really appreciated the extra time. We'll see if she keeps to it tonight. We go in an hour.

Thursday, April 17, 2008

I Am A Very, Very Bad Man Jerry

Okay, unintentional hiatus over.

I had nothing much to say except pregnancy stuff (boring!) and then I went on a vacation to Cali without my computer and then when I got back I was SUPER busy catching up with work and the house and then I couldn't find my computer (tucked it away somewhere "special" before I went away...under the comfy chair in the bedroom - who does that?!).

Anywho. Sorry to those of you who were checking and getting the same obnoxious baby picture each time you showed up.

Here are a few highlights from my trip (Seattle to Bellingham to Vancouver to San Francisco to Napa to Oakland to West Palm Beach):

Cat With A Cast. Yes sir, that is Tikvah with a broken leg. Pity this kitty doesn't know his leg is broken...he keeps jumping up and down from table to counter to chair to floor. And guess what? The leg isn't healing. Duh.

Dog In Baby Carrier With Shades. Dudes, we saw six of these scenarios that day. WTF is going on? Here is my husband's immediate reaction:

A side trip to Canada to see some of my ballet girls from oh, say, 20 years ago! Everyone looks exactly the same, except we're not in sweaty leotards and tights with baggy knees.

Mmmkay, how cute are these two little monkeys? Ladies and Gents, meet the Twin Godbabies Remy and Nate.

I could just get a large spoon and eat them both.

The Bay Bridge from our hotel room in The Embarcadero. Just moments earlier, the sun was shining so brightly that we couldn't even see between the buildings.

Napa: A Room...

With A View

Ray had a great suggestion. Our lunch at Auberge de Soliel was so lovely and serene that he said we needed to make this our "Happy Place, " the place we need to go to when the munchkin is screaming his/her head off at 2:30 am and we want to escape. I think I may go here often...

This side of the road diner has The Best White Pistachio Ice Cream In The World. Period. We went a number of times. I couldn't stay away.

Glorious folks I used to dance with at Oakland Ballet back in it's glory days (late 80s, early 90s).

End of the fab holiday with an even fabber guy