Friday, April 27, 2007

SF Night 2 and 3


Spent the day working in the hotel room (took advantage of the free wireless). By 3:35 I had wicked cabin fever and needed to get out so I put on my city boots and scoured Union Square for the perfect pajama/lingerie outfit for tonight's Supperclub drag show.

Who, in the great city of San Francisco, can not find anything to wear? Me.

I went to Victoria's Secret (the secret is that their stuff is either see through or girly-stupid), shopped next door at Pink (no thank you, I don't want a pair of super shorty sweatpants with "Pink Princess" scrawled across my ass), hit Macy's (nada), Nordie's (Grandma), and then Bloomie's (nothing!!!!!). However, Bloomie's wasn't a total bust because I did get a lovely pampering surprise while browsing in the lingerie section: an Eileen West goodie bag and glass of sparkling wine. After two sips I was tipsy and that's when I remembered that I missed lunch.

I hurried on back to the hotel and got ready for the evening. There was a communication mix-up with Shandy (she thought I was talking about next Wednesday) so I got stood up on my ride into Oakland. Fortunately, Verna hadn't left her job at the gym yet, so I rushed to the BART and took the train with her. It was fortuitous because we ad a lengthy and very good talk about life, death, parents and what's important. Oh, and she's engaged to Greg! Mike and I introduced them to each other so score one (no two!) shadkhn points for us. Amy and Alan were our first pairing.

Greg picked us up at the station and after stopping at the old apartment (so strange every time I go back there - for those not in the know, I used to live there, across the hall with my first husband Mike for over ten years), we went to Piedmont Ave to meet the gang. As usual, it was a great night of just hanging and laughing hysterically. And, as usual, it was too short. But I get to see everyone again tonight, so that's okay.


Same routine during the day. Same breaking point at around 3:30, which gave me time to get ready for the gym. Verna invited me as her guest to her very exclusive, posh, tra-laa, twee, hoighty-toighty sports club situated next to The Four Seasons. What I thought was a good decision turned out to be a bad one. I chose the Window-Overlooking-Market-Street-Elliptical-Machine section to run for 20 minutes. Bad Idea Jeans. The sun hadn't gone down yet and I spent the first 15 minutes in the sunshine getting totally overheated. I felt barfy and light headed when I got off the machine. I had to run my wrists under icy cold water to cool down so that I wouldn't faint in her Pilates class. Why didn't I move? Because I'm a stubborn Irish girl.

The class was excellent and I told her so. I got lost on the way out of the gym - the place is like a maze. As I made my way to Powell Street, I suddenly got inspired and ducked into Old Navy. I purchased my pajama/lingerie outfit (read on)!

So Shandy and I got our shit in a pile and we met to go out to her friend's birthday party. It was nice to sit and talk with her and Jim but I felt bad about bogarting all of her time. Well, not that bad. Ha! We both got hit with the tired stick at the same time, so we cut the night short, but I should be seeing her tonight as well.

So what am I wearing tonight?

Tighty-whitey men's boxer briefs and a white wifebeater! I'm going to wear this under my black silk peignoir and kick myself up in the big girl shoes - black patent leather peekaboo toe pumps.

I have to jet and jump in the shower. Fill you in on the evening's action later.

And Your Little Dog Too

I am an enormous fan of Overheard in Minneapolis, but often I click over to Overheard in New York. This was the best of the week:

The Two Stages of Grief

Queer checking voice mail: Apparently my great aunt just died.
Friend: Oh, I'm so sorry.
Queer: Don't be. She was a horrid, raging bitch.
Friend: Oh, well... then... ding dong!

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Blogiviewed? Interblogged?

Random Mindless Ramblings has passed the baton. I'm getting interviewed...someone reading this and making the necessary request will be next.

These are my questions from H:

1. If you could be someone else for one day, who would you be?

Well this would depend. If I could:
  • have fun by taking advantage of their celebrity status, Julia Roberts.
  • instantly know what they know, Dick Chaney.
  • sleep with their partner, Angelina Jolie (or Brad Pitt for that matter! Ha!)
  • feel what it's like to be more sensitive, my Mom.
  • keep the stuff after shopping, the guy who won the lottery yesterday.
  • know what it all meant and retain it, The Dalai Lama.
  • feel the thrill but use their skill, a race car driver.
  • better understand where he "goes" when he gets that faraway look, my Dad.
2. Would you time travel if such a thing existed and you were given the opportunity? Describe where you would go (location and time period), who you would see, and what you would do.

YES (she yelled enthusiastically)! I would hit the Roaring Twenties in America and then I'd take a steamer to England to hang out and chat with my Grandpa, Granddad, Nana and Grandma. I'd love to have met them then, especially because I don't remember my Mom and Dad's Dads.

3. If you could have an exotic animal as a pet, what would it be?

A Potbellied Pig. I hear they are clean, smart and lovable. Is a pig exotic enough? I don't know, but what I do know is I wouldn't want to take anything exotic out of it's element that really shouldn't be living in a house.

4. Which do you prefer, the Chicken Dance or the Hokey Pokey? Discuss.

I have to go with the Hokey Pokey. Mainly because it is longer and you can do more variations. You can swank up the Pokey. Also, it's way to easy too get tired of the Chicken Dance after about ten seconds. Also, you just look gay doing it.

5. If you weren't in your current line of work, what would you be doing? (i.e. what is your "dream job"?)

Dream Job 1) Ballet Mistress of a large, well-funded ballet company.
Dream Job 2) An Interior Designer or Fashion Designer.

So now it can be your turn. Just follow these simple rules.

1. Leave me a comment on this post saying, "Interview me."
2. I will respond by emailing you five questions. I get to pick the questions.
3. You will update your blog with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

SF - Night 1

So a last minute trip finds me in San Francisco, my old haunt - well, for thirteen years the East Bay was really my old haunt, but I think after living in the Upper Sunset and working at Mother Jones on Market Street for several months in 2002, I can also claim the city to be my own.

I arrived last night with no bags to be seen. I'm pretty confident that I was the only one on our flight that did the Florida, New York, California jaunt (it was free on miles), so just me and the blind guy were in the Delta lost luggage department going WTF?! Not sure what his deal was, maybe he tapped his way onto the wrong plane. I know, I can already feel the sunburn that I'll have when I'm frolicking in Hell.

Omar came to pick me up (thanks pal!) and we went directly to food in the Castro, as the cheese and crackers from Delta, surprisingly, weren't sticking to my ribs. Lime is a really sweet spot. Tapas dishes, super tasty drinks - maybe a little too tasty for my liking. I had a candied ginger infused vodka concoction. Spicy!

Then he took me to a place that required reservations and a password! Bourbon & Branch is this ultra cool speakeasy type bar that specializes in high-end, rare spirits and homemade juices and syrups. I had a Cucumber Gimlet made with cucumber infused vodka, elderflower extract, lime juice, homemade orange bitters and champagne that was so refreshing I felt like I belonged on a veranda in the very deep, very hot South. Omar had a rare tequila paired with a recommended Mexican beer (both were lovely).

Tonight I am getting together with the old Oakland Ballet gang on the other side of the Bay. Should be a hoot. And a late night. Details Thursday...

Monday, April 23, 2007

I Win, I Win, I Win!

Hahaha! I just frustrated a Bell South Telemarketer Out Of India and the Supervisor Standing Over His Shoulder so much that I heard the SSOHS say, "Aghhhh, just hanguphanguphanguphangup!"

Hee hee - I'm evil.

Saturday, April 21, 2007

Young Again

I saw my parents as teenagers today. I went over in the morning to see how my mom was doing - she's had a bout of food poisoning lately, it's lingering. So Dad came into the kitchen where we were having coffee and fixed himself a bowl of raisin bran. He put the bowl on the counter and reached for the paper.

Mom gave a little squeal and pointed to the floor. There was, on its back, what looked like a huge dead cockroach. Dad bent down to dispose of it and he picked up and popped it in his mouth. Mom gasped and blurted, "Ian!"

Dad gets these apple cheeks when he's being a smartass, he had them as he was saying, "It's a raisin...OH NO IT'S NOT!!" Mom squealed even louder. Dad made a motion to spit it at her and she smacked him on the arm.

They laughed at each other and looked seventeen.

Friday, April 20, 2007

I Like This Song - A Lot

Arcade Fire - Intervention

Quick Shot

Me, very drunk, at the Hard Rock Seminole being gloriously deafened (further) by The Killers. It was wicked good. There were fights, copious rum and cokes, people being yelled at and kicked out, arrests, suuuuuper-high twentysomethings, scantily-clad cougars, vomit and general hilarity as Ray and I acted like high schoolers critiquing everyone that walked by. It was genuine fun.

I woke up still a little hooped.

Thursday, April 19, 2007

Catch Up

Not much time - super busy as of late. Tuesday with clients - ALL DAY - went well. Had cocktails with my girl E and we turned to each other and said at the same time, "We haven't been out with each other like this forever." Verbatim. We waited for the gents to make the business dinner and drank cosmos by the Intracoastal. No babies, no hassles - it was very nice.

Wednesday continued with said clients for lunch. Ready to not be with clients anymore, but it all went well. The theme of recognizing the good goes on...

We had Book Club in the evening. Not as well attended this second time around, but the die-hards were there discussing away eating water chestnuts wrapped in bacon. (Really, can you go wrong with bacon? I say no.) Last Days of Summer by Steve Kluger is the next choice. Shirley is hosting.

Today is Thursday and me and my guy are off to the Hardrock Seminole in Ft. Laud. tonight to see The Killers. I'm going to rock out and pretend I'm not 37! Whoo!!

Found out today that I have enough miles to accompany Ray to SF next week. Watching a performance by my ex-husband and ex-dancing partner a week tomorrow in a drag queen supper club. Will keep you informed.

Monday, April 16, 2007

It's All Good

Last week got a bit depressing with plotting all the crap in my life, plus, the week started out very badly for those in I've decided to have an Oprah moment and track all the good things that happen this week. (I may throw in a piece of crap every once in a while because it's just funnier when things go wrong than when they go well.)

  • We don't owe any taxes! Wahoo!!
  • Edited a report that needed to be out the e-door at 5:00 pm - made it by the skin of our teeth.
  • Dinner: thick cut pork chops smothered in mushroom soup. Honestly - what is better than that?
  • Ray and I were entertained by the cat for a good 20 minutes while she made love to my flip flop. Not sure what was on the inside of my shoe, but she was rubbing her face on it like it was catnip. Then she just layed around all night like she was high.

Saturday, April 14, 2007

Colour Me Happy

Today I cover the world.

After a lovely morning of bank, bagel, coffee and movie drop off, Ray and I got to painting the eggplant coloured wall and logo in his old office. The two coats were easy enough, but I was not paying attention to the label when I bought the can of primer. Oil based. Yeah...that stuff doesn't wash out of the brush when you're done with it. Nor does it wash off your hands with soap and water when you have attempted to squeeze the paint out of the brush with your fingers. I look like I'm wearing gloves. Must get to the turpentine in the garage...

Fixed my painted hands and thought, what the hell, I've already done it to my hands...why not my feet? Bought some lovely French manicure stuff and gave myself a homemade French pedi.

Now I have the urge to to do a watercolour. I have to paint when I am motivated to do so, because I have no discipline otherwise. So I'm going to post this posthaste and get my ass to the sewing/art room. I hope whatever I'm painting turns out better than my pedicure - looks like my four-year-old niece did it.

Friday the 13th

So I didn't kill anyone on the ride home yesterday -nor was I killed, maimed, bumped, knocked or otherwise.

Friday the 13th has always been a good day for me - I was married on Friday, January 13th. I as I did on that day, I have no complaints for today (except that I watched Hollywoodland and it was crap).

The weekend is here so I have my rose-coloured Saturday morning to look forward to. Yay!

Thursday, April 12, 2007

Infini Noir


5:55am - Rudely awakened from what I am pretty sure was an awesome dream by the Mank working up her next toss. Thought I got it all until I put my head back down on the pillow, and a got my cheek wet. Rinsed face, and slept on towel in exhausted defeat.
9:40 am - Nearly took a header on the shiny, newly waxed BMW/Mini dealer showfloor.
9:45 am - Was told by Joe that the passenger seatback wasn't broken, did I know that "you just need to flip the second lever on the side of the seat?" Guh.
9:55 am - Offered a PT Cruiser as a rental car. Ummm, let me think about No chance in hell.
2:00 pm - Burned tongue on Chicken HotPocket-like sandwich.
2:02 pm - Burned tongue again. Seriously, am I retarded?
3:30 pm - Travel goddess Julie emailed that we could get to Gran Canaria in October on miles, but we'd have to stopover four times and we'd have to start the journey from Miami, the airport from hell. (Okay, so that's not so black, but truly, MIA is just horrific for international travel.)

Going to tackle the freeway now - let's see what happens there...

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

Black Continues

I don't want to give the impression that it is all bad (much of it is indeed good), but this is my week to complain, so here I go.


8:00 am - CRAMPS
11:30 am - lunch meeting with a client at our favourite seafood restaurant...which apparently had just gone out of business. Had to think quick and relocate.
3:30 pm - encountered what was quite possibly the most aggressive BO left in a confined space (the handicrapper) that I have ever smelled in my 37 years.

Monday, April 09, 2007

Keeping a Tally

Black is back:

9:20 am - Editing a very large document from email. Power out. All changes lost.
3:30 pm - One day after hiring a pricey sales person, my guy loses a huge client, could lose another in June. This would mean lights out.
7:30 pm - To appease said depressed man, I have been subjected to 5 straight episodes of Enterprise (one partial as we flipped to Law and Order during SciFi commercials).

3:55 am - Cat wakes me akk, akk, akking, while cuddled down, dead asleep. Missed the barf towel I keep on the headboard and watched her yak all over the bed. Tuna. Nice.
3:56 am - My guy snaps on the light so we can change the sheets. At that moment, I hate him more than the cat for the even ruder awakening. I have always been convinced that I can hang on to the sleep state as long as it is dark.
5:30 am - Finally found the sleep state again.
5:40 am - Woke up to cat yakking again.
8:00 am - Una mas. One more time with feeling people.
2:30 pm - The company that has been our web hosting server for forever has gone from Shining Angel to Rude Asshole in the space of 5 months. WTF?! Is it just because I'm SleepGrumpy?
4:30 pm - Eye test. Yes your eyes are worse (but only a little) and yes you have the same thing as your dad (narrow angle) and yes your eye could explode because of too much fluid (but it's rare). Says the doc, "Just keep an eye on it...*wink*"

to be continued...

Do You Love Revenge?


See it.

Saturday, April 07, 2007

Everythink is Pink

You know those mornings? It's early, there is no traffic, a few people are out walking their dogs, the air is crisp - well, as crisp as it can be on a cool Florida morning. You make the bank, bagel, coffee, Blockbuster return run. Everyone is polite, there are interesting characters around, eavesdropping turns out to be pleasant, not horrifying.

I had that morning. Maybe I'm being a bit rose-coloured glasses about the whole thing, but life is good. I'll enjoy this moment for now because I'm sure there is some Anna Nicole-like train wreck headed straight for me and my view of the world will go back to normal.

Friday, April 06, 2007

How to Lick Old Age

I'm in the middle of baking a chocolate cake right now. I have 8 minutes left on my cupcakes and 10 after that for the three cakes. Three cakes equals 6 layers with whipped cream icing and berries in between...Holy Mountain High! The cupcakes are for the little ones at Easter Sunday dinner, occurring tomorrow afternoon (Saturday) at lunch.

So I was feeling a little low today, a little old, a little slow. If you are ever feeling this way, follow my lead: Make a cake.
  • Pour the cakes, wipe edge with finger, lick said finger.
  • Scoop and deposit the batter into cupcake forms (the more colourful the better), lick spoon.
  • Scrape the bowl, lick spatula.
  • Remove the beaters, pass one to husband/wife, girlfriend/boyfriend, cat/dog, and commence licking (the beater not the...oh well, whatever turns your crank).
I defy you to feel crappy after all that chocolaty goodness, not to mention the licking.

Making a cake and exercising your taste buds this way is akin to walking down the street with a 6 foot Hoagie. It's going to make you feel better whether you want to or not. It makes you feel like a kid again, and you know what? Those days weren't half bad.

Thursday, April 05, 2007

Chic Entry (Tchik not Sheek)

So I got my hair done last night. At a salon. For the first time in forever (I had been going to my sister-in-law).

Changes since I have last been in a hairdressing establishment:
  • Free consultations
  • 3-tiered prices, Artistic, Stylistic and Master
  • Volumizer that smells like Sweet Tarts
  • Three-process colouring (what in tarnation is that?)
  • Glazing
  • Massaging hairwashing chair (normally, leaning back like that with a wet head weighing you down used to be it's own special kind of torturous hell, but someone got smart and made them comfy, and vibrating!)
  • The prices! WTF? 225 for a cut and colour (yeah but don't forget it was three-process colouring)... JEEZ!
I think maybe I'll go back every second or third time (prices vs pampering). I like the result - a little blonder than before, a little more shapely. I still don't love my hair, but I'm workin my way back to you babe. Someday we'll get it back to rights.

Note to self: Never cut hair short again, the growing out process is more than we can handle. That is all.

not comfy

waaaaaay comfy!

Monday, April 02, 2007

Best Part of the Weekend

So I took my niece Coleen to go see Romeo & Juliet this Sunday. She is four, but very mature (though she did hide her face during the swordfights because "I don't want to see the bad guy"). In the car on the way home, she wanted to recap what had happened on stage.

Midway into the story...

C: So then I remember when Romeo fell, he fell, you know, he fell on the soccer grass.

L: The soccer grass? What do you mean he fell on the soccer grass?

C: You know, at the end of the ballet, when he fell, he fell on the soccer grass!

L: Huh?



L: Do you mean the sarcophagus?

C: Yeah, the soccer...I mean sarcophagus.

SHE'S FOUR!! And what's more, none of us can figure out where she got the word sarcophagus. It wasn't me, or her mom or her dad. This child is brilliant. I want in on her Nobel Prize when she is 12.