Tuesday, March 20, 2007

What Did You Say?

Turns out I won the genetic lottery today. I found out that, like my Father and Grandmother and Nana and Grandfather before me, I have hearing loss in both ears. I am relieved and upset at the same time. Upset, obviously, that as a young person, I have a hearing problem that could become worse with time, and relieved that I am a) not going crazy b) not tuning out my husband, and c) that said husband doesn't have a volume deficiency, a pronunciation impediment, or a really mean sense of humour as in "I'm going to purposely garble everything I say so that she goes nuts!" I just can't hear him very well is all.

Sucks getting older, no?

I wonder what will go next? My eyes are already rapidly deteriorating from needing them for reading as a 16-year-old to "Where the eff are my glasses? I can't see a GD thing! Oh, there they are. That's better...is that a HAIR growing out of my CHIN?!"

When I was dancing, we used to laugh about our tights at the end of the day. They were all wrinkly and baggy at the knees. We called it elephantightis. I have that now. But I'm not wearing tights...

Even now, as I look down at my reflection in my laptop screen I can see that my neck is suffering from its own unique form of elephantightis. I used to quite like my long neck - I thought it had a slightly elegant quality. Now it just means I have a lot of extra skin to watch hit ground zero as I age.

I can probably no longer claim myself to be blonde, dirty blonde, ash blonde or any kind of blonde at this point. Under the brunette dye (my winter hair) I think I'm pretty much non-descript neutral with a very large smattering of grey. Very large. Especially along the part-line. Note to self: flip your part to the other not-so-grey-side tomorrow.

I still kind of like my wrinkles and laugh lines. And I wouldn't trade any part of my life for the fountain of youth. Plastic surgery scares me - both the thought of getting it and the results I've seen on way too many women down here in Botox Raton.

Meh. Phooey on aging. I'll take it on. I'm not going to quit now.


Sassmaster said...

That lady is adorable. I hope I get off that easy. My eyes were the first to go on me... I can't see jack in an alarming variety of situations. And I totally have that long neck/too much skin thing. Also: jowls. Oy.

LaCosta (Lollie) said...

I don't have the jowls yet, but if they go the way of that lovely woman, I'm all about 'em.

Hulles said...

I like your long neck. It is elegant, and tres Balanchine. And it will remain elegant on the outside if you remain elegant on the inside. I hope that's where you were going at the end there. Hugs.

cK said...

You can totally play up this hearing loss thing now! I won't trust you a bit next time you say, "What? Didn't hear you, dude. Sorry. I'm watching my program." I'll be like, "Faker." But I'll mumble that.

LaCosta (Lollie) said...

Hulles: Thanks - you're a peach. And that was where I was going, turkeyneck and all.

cK: What?

Hulles said...

Dunno. Did cK say something, dear?