Lollies Follies

Fertile Myrtle the Turtle Got Over a Major Hurdle

2008-06-30T13:23:00.003-04:00

It is my older brother’s 40th birthday in two weeks and he’s had such a crap year that we’ve decided to extend his festivities and make it a month long party of great weekends. Saturday night was the first in the long string of drunkenness to come...but, alas, not for me. *sigh*

So anyway, we (Joey, G, Sash, E, Me and Ray) piled into Joey and G's fabulous Mercedes SUV and sped off to The Food Shack. Uh, for those of you who will be in Florida at any time in the future, this is a must not miss. I've been hearing about this damn restaurant for years and finally managed to get there.

And. It. Was. So. Worth. It.

It's in Jupiter in a crappy little strip mall. Looks like nothing from the outside. The only marker is the crowd of people waiting to get into the joint.

ps - they only have a beer and wine license, yet nobody cares. It's all about the food.

We finally got our party of six seated, in the back, near the toilets, on a 4 top with chairs squeezed on the ends. Again, nobody cared. After looking at the handwritten menu for the day, passed to us by 7-year-old Jessica (it was her first night, Joey told her she was working like an old pro), Ray and I ordered a kebab of pan-fried scallops, cooked to caramelly perfection, atop a bed of greens and tropical fruit. Holy Crap! Then I had the coconut and ginger encrusted hogfish with some sort of crazy sauce drizzled over it, atop a salad of delicate micro greens. Holy Crap Crap! I was loving it. After Sash ate his meal, he draped himself across E and G and caught a quick catnap. Nobody in the restaurant cared. My kinda place!

The gang then decided that we should hit the liquor store next door and load up on beer, ice, gin and mixers and hit the beach like we were 17 again. Sounded like a plan to me, but I ducked into Publix to get my own personal stash. That's right. Cake and cookies. C'mon, meow!If I can't imbibe in the G and T, you better bloody let me have some sugar!

At the checkout, I witnessed two big boobed modelly types being chatted up by two older bull dykey types. Lots of flirting going on there. I casually looked up into the magazine rack and saw that someone had left a discarded toy called The Jumbo Fish Dive and Catch Game. Hmmm.

How appropriate.

I went back into the liquor store to see how things were coming along. Everyone had a drink in their hand! I guess the party goes wherever Joey goes, so paper cup beers and plastic cup wines were all over the place. Exclamations of "Ooooh, try this one!" and "I like this red better than the other two!" and "We should make our own beer, like this!" We left with three bags of booze and a cooler full of ice. Sandy paradise, here we come.

So, because all of them were already drunky, I got to drive the Mercedes! Beautiful car, but complicated. It was as if it was saying, and not so subtly "I am special, therefore my controls will be weird and in completely different places." Sniff. I kept trying to indicate my turns with the cruise control and I had to have the push button Park mode explained to me a couple of times. But fantastic car nonetheless. Flips a bitch like a dream. A the sound system was pumping out Motley Crue like nobody's business. Joey's on a Crue jag right now - he's dragging Sash to their concert tomorrow night. Thank god I have Prenatal Yoga as an excuse...

We unloaded the car at the quiet end of the beach just as the sunlight was disappearing. They set up the bar, I dove into the cake (a slice white on white for me, chocolate for the Birthday Boy, and sugar cookies for the rest of you bastards). We laughed and got even more drunky and peed in the bushes. Joey kept standing upwind of us and farting these devastatingly revolting beefs our way. It really was just like we were back in high school.

Then, the most amazing thing happened.

An enormous, and I mean gigantonormous, sea turtle hauled her ass out of the ocean, plowed her way up the beach, leaving an SUV-sized trail in the sand, and commenced digging a nest and laying her eggs for the next hour and a half. We stood there in awe just watching this pregnant monolith work her paddles like the devil, grunting out and covering about 100 leathery eggs. Then she turned around and lumbered, with frequent rests, back into the sea.

It was pretty magical. Joey got all weepy and said we'd just witnessed a miracle. I think he was pretty drunk, but it was sweet. I also felt a pretty cool oneness with the old girl. I'm just thankful that I don't have to squirt this kid out by myself, in the dark, with ten billion grains of sand crawling up my ass crack.

Alright...Here It Is

2008-06-27T22:29:00.002-04:00

Seriously, I used to love these glasses. What in the world of Lisa Loeb was I thinking?

If You Ever Want To Feel Like A Total Nerd...

2008-06-25T14:29:00.002-04:00

Just put on an old pair of glasses that you found in your bedside drawer.

I had a picture of this to show y'all, but my camera just ran out of battery, so I can't wrestle it from my camera right now...but I will post it later. I know, I'm a tease.

I Just Ate My Weight In Crab Legs

2008-06-22T15:54:00.002-04:00

If this kid doesn't come out with claws and antennae, I'm going to be very surprised. The guests, Mom, Ray and I went to The Breakers in Palm Beach for brunch.

It was the only meal we had all day.

Come Out Come Out, Wherever You Are

2008-06-19T18:16:00.011-04:00

Yeah, so. To add to the list of why I haven’t been blogging is that I have no Internet connection at home. So I wrote this in Word and if it is now visible to you, My Guy has fixed the wireless or given up his LAN connection for a hot minute. (At the time of publishing, My Guy handed the LAN over - he's such a peach.)

Where to start?! Okay – the obvious. Baby C is getting bigger and bigger and moving around like a jitterbug competitor. Nothing uncomfortable like getting kicked in the ribs, but a definite pattern of movement. Bicycle peddling on the right side of my belly at 5:45 am, hiccups for 10 minutes, nap while I eat breakfast, Rumble in the Jungle at work around 10:15 (seriously, my entire torso jiggles back and forth like Alien is trying to get out via my now non-existent belly button), hiccups at noon, knocking at the uterus door around 3:45, more hiccups before dinner and one last workout (with free weights, I think) before bed. And all of this is peppered with a punch or donkey kick here and there.

And I love it.

More baby related stuff and then I’ll quit on that. The Shower. What a lovely little party my girls threw for me. I was entirely gay and went out and bought a new dress for the daisy-themed occasion (see above). Gay, right? But I will admit…I do love the dress and will wear it again this weekend to go to “Brunch at The Breakers” with our weekend house guests. I might even try to have it altered so I can wear it when I’m sans bump so I won’t look like I’m drowning in fabric.

Anywho, I took off that morning and went to my first La Leche League meeting (breast feeding group for those of you not in the boob-know) and watched about 24 women alternately breast feed their babies/toddlers/children (yes, children, as in 4 going on 5) and listened to them talk about their problems and solutions regarding child rearing. It was an interesting group of ladies. Some were super granola, hairy legs and all, one was a cop, a few were typical Type A controllers who were wondering about how to cope with work and babies. I think I will like continuing with this wildly different group of chics who all have this common bond of a child. I was the only one who was pre-kid, and by the time the circle of introductions came around to me I had to excuse myself and take off to attend my shower. That garnered lots of oohs and ahhs and well wishes. I will more than likely see them all again before I drop this ball of baby, but you never know…

So onto the shower. The house was covered, literally, in white and yellow daisies.

It was so flippin’ cheery in there that I’ve decided to get flowers every week and spread the love in my house. There’s a wholesaler down the street, so filling up the joint with some cheap flowers on a Saturday won’t break the bank. Just don’t expect to come over and find roses. Daisies or, gulp, carnations may be more likely. There was a magnificent spread on Whole Foods prepared stuff on the dining room table and a fun-looking punch on the counter. The coop de gracie was a platter full of daisy cupcakes from Publix Greenwise. Holy crap these were good (this was my one request of my Mom and Sisters-in-Law – white cupcakes with white icing, one of my two sweet treats these days – the other is Ben and Jerry’s pistachio ice cream), and just beautiful to boot.

Sorry this is sideways - but you get the idea.

Presents and hugs abounded – thankfully, baby shower games did not. Nobody wrapped anybody in toilet paper, and we didn’t have to identify any melted chocolate bars in any “dirty” diapers. Thanks Ladies! A lovely time was had by all and now we’re up to our armpits in baby junk! Bring on the kid!

Me and my lovely family gals (Sister-in-Law Jen, Cousin Sarah, Twin One Nate, Twin Two Remy, Sister-in-Law Elizabeth, Mom, Me and Sister-in-Law, aka E's little sister,Tricia).

Kavaterin to my two sweetie...

...yet, potentialy hard drinkin' Godsons.

Work. Hmmm. Work is weird. I’m getting the distinct feeling that I don’t need to be there anymore. In fact, I’m kind of feeling positively useless, which, don’t get me wrong, is a good thing. David, my replacement, is awesome. A self-starter, and just brilliant on the computer. He even saw a problem with a form page that he’d created on Friday and then came in on his own on Saturday to fix it. So, really, I kind of go in, look at my/our email – he’ll be taking over my email account when I’m out for good on July 3^rd, organize and direct it a bit, ask him what he’s up to and if he needs help – usually I get a Umm, nope, but thanks for asking” and then I kind of odd job it all day and leave early. We have an appointment today at 1:00 to see a mid-wife (more on that saga in another post) and I’m pretty much just thinking of not going in at all and just getting the house ready for P, B and C who are coming in from New York for a long weekend with us.

So friends, I have to shower (of the watery sort) and get ready for the day – so I’m signing off with a promise that I will not disappear for again for two and a half weeks. More soon on the whole mid-wife thing. It should be an interesting visit today…

Showered in Love

2008-06-18T12:57:00.003-04:00

Just a "placeholder" for a better bigger post. I apologize for living under this rock for the past two weeks. Not really sure where I have been other than buried in baby accoutrement, cleaning the house for upcoming guests, looking for a doula (and maybe even a mid-wife at this late date - 33 weeks today) and training my replacement at work. *guh* and being exhausted.

Quick pick of the event, but I promise, more to come tonight. I'm scheduling a date with myself to sink into the couch and bounce a happy baby laptop on my knee...

Overload and the City

2008-05-30T09:06:00.003-04:00

Not that I'm not excited...and not that I'm not going to see this movie with a bunch of gals in two weeks...BUT, c'mon. Enough already.

I turned on the tube this morning and it was on Bravo from last night's late night viewing.

SJP's not so attractive hairdo was on The Actor's Studio, again. I flipped to The Early Show and there were three dolled up SATC fans taking a quiz for a bag full of shoes. Clicked off the tube and turned on the radio. My regular morning show was doing a hybrid of Sex and the City Price is Right High/Low game about top-shelf shoes and bags. I moved on to NPR thinking I'd get some relief and there I found an exposé of Carrie's narcissism.

guh.

And! And! It was the lead to the more important, and too short, story (at least I think anyway) about the death of a terrific talent who will sorely be missed. Mr. Harvey Korman had to follow the in depth examination of a shoe-obsessed, self-involved, TV character.

Just to name a few of my faves:
Prof von Klupp
Prof. Auguste Balls
Ed Higgins
Count de Monet
Monty Rushmore
Chef Gormaanda
Henry Snavely
Dr. Charles Montague
Hedley Lamarr
Baron Hinterstoisser
Col. Heindreich von Zeppel
Dr. Leinbach
and his myriad characters on The Carol Burnett Show.

What a talent.

Thank you Harvey. You laughed away my after school four o'clock hour in the 70s.

This Pose Is Getting Tired Isn't It?

2008-05-28T20:29:00.003-04:00

Love...Exciting and New

2008-05-23T15:08:00.004-04:00

In love with my new car (I know you all know there will be no drinking and driving around here)

In love with my ever increasing bump (size: Large)

In love with my shiny new clean smelling house - especially the shower...who knew the floor was white? (Not really Claudia, but she kinda looks like Rachel Dratch...just replace the dress with some khakis and a t-shirt and plug in a Spanish accent - cute and adorable)

I Gave In - Her Name Is Claudia

2008-05-22T10:22:00.002-04:00

I have succumbed to the worst. My husband, mother and sister-in-law all think it's the greatest idea since sliced bread, but somehow it makes me feel chapped in all the wrong places.

I now have a housekeeper.

Claudia is going to come twice a week while I am pregnant and maybe once a week when I spit out the kid. I feel like I've really compromised my principles. Is that weird? I mean, I should really be able to take care of my own house. I know I can, but it is just such a huge effort hauling the vacuum cleaner up and down the stairs and I'm having trouble reaching the backs of counters with this belly. The shower hasn't been cleaned in weeks. Am I lazy? Am I indulgent (feels that way).

How can I learn to just sit back and enjoy a clean house for 75 bucks every two weeks?

Maybe I will change my mind when I see/smell my sparkly house tonight.

It's My First Time

2008-05-16T15:59:00.004-04:00

We are going to pick up my BRAND NEW CAR! It's the first time I have purchased a car that doesn't need a sage burning session to rid the vehicle of other people's Carma. Very excited...so much so that I have little heartburn. Will post the Price is Right Showcase showoff pictures shortly.

RUDE

2008-05-14T15:15:00.002-04:00

Yeah. So I just experienced my first Insensitive Cow. In Publix. At the bakery. Let me start my rant by pointing out that she looked like she was fresh from the trailer, complete with bad hair under her hairnet under her bakery hat and summer teeth (some 'er here, some 'er there). And none too skinny herself there, sister.

Insensitive Cow: " Ohhhh, a baby! How many months are you?"
Me (smiling): "Just finished my 6th month."
I.C. (eyebrows raised to her very low hairline - or was it the hairnet?): "Is that all?!"
Me (giving her the hairy eyeball with no smile whatsoever): "Yes."

"Pregnant" pause...

I.C.: "Oh, well, I guess it's just a while since I've been pregnant...it was a while ago. I guess you just forget."
Me (hairy eyeball stare continues while imagining her as a fifteen-year-old slag pregnant by her second cousin).

More pregnant pausing...

I.C.: "Uhh, that guy will be right with you."

Her hasty exit.

Are people really that rude? Or are they just stupid? Or does crap just fall out of their mouth without thinking? Do they spend their lives living an uncomfortable existence, or do they get numb to their own atrociousness and just continue down their happy path spreading poo in their wake?

Or maybe I'm just being too sensitive?

Mufflings, Mohonk and Meat on the Bones

2008-05-08T22:15:00.011-04:00

Before we actually got to Mohonk, the 'Rents visited the apartment in Brooklyn. I nearly threw up from laughing so hard at my dad slowly sinking into the inflatable (or should I say deflatable) bed. It may have been better as an "on location" moment, but here is the sequence of events nonetheless.

This was the best weather we could have hoped for. Mohonk was delicious, in every sense of the word. The air, the views, the food...everything. A few highlights from one of our hikes.

Quick pic of the growing belly. Babens is really getting down at the disco about 9:15 every night. It's freakish and creepy to see my stomach moving independently of any conscious muscle movement. Kinda Sigourney Weaver Alienish. It may take a second to load, but for those of you (Kat) who want to see it grossly enlarged, you can click on the picture. Don't say I didn't warn you.

Droopy boobs, 70s paisley and all, I have to share...I LOVE this dress. I have one in blue too. It's from Tar-jhay.

It's official. I've gained 25 pounds. And I still have three months to go. I'm gonna be enormous! Whoo-ah!

On A Brighter Note, At Least I Have Boobs Now

2008-04-28T21:44:00.003-04:00

That's me...back when I was skinny and in shape.

"What?!" says current Lollie, "I'm in shape! Round's a shape."

I'm just having a moment.

I know it's for the greater good, but I'm just feeling sorry for my ass, literally.

It's HUGE.

Sorry, ass. We used to be friends.

WhiskeyMarie, CatLady, Lollie, BabyMama

2008-04-23T17:18:00.002-04:00

Just like WM didn't want to become the CatLady (but kinda did in her last post - sorry Whiskey), I never wanted to be the baby crazed lunatic that I've become. So yes, poor readers, this is another one that could be tagged as Baby Crap.

Ray and I went to our first Bradley childbirthing class last Friday and Holy Grateful Dead, is Janet (not her real name...okay, yes it is) is a huge Flower Child. Just what we were not hoping for. She lives in a very cute, sometimes affluent, neighbourhood near Palm Beach...but her house is the one on the entire block that has a neglected yard, clapboardish house (needs a lick of paint and the carport is leaning a bit), and windchimes galore. She opened the door and what was she wearing? Say it with me now. 1, 2, 3...TIE-DYE! Ray and I introduced ourselves and simultaneously gave each other the stink eye as we passed over her threshold.

We were offered natural iced tea and hot air popped popcorn (could you have guessed that there wouldn't be a microwave within 40 feet of the house?). I had to go to the can, as usual, and low and behold the credo of the casa is "If it's yellow let it mellow, if it's brown flush it down." Me? I don't care what colour it is, it's going away. Sorry Mother Earth.

So the class was supposed to be two hours, ending at 9:30, and probably would have if we didn't get the entire low-down on Janet's life and births ("Oh and guys, here's the really neat thing. My husband filmed our last child's home birth, so we'll be watching that during class five or so. Isn't that great?" You should've seen Ray's face as he nodded almost imperceptably.). And we also learned about her math skills. The woman can not, for the life of her, figure out how many years are between 1967 and 2008, for example. Every time a year span would come into question, Ray would spit out the answer with increasing rapidity so we could get on with it.

It was everything we could do not to laugh out-loud when every hour, on the hour, Janet's Austrian-original wall clock broke out into a succession of cuckoo-cuckoo-cuckoos! Ray squeezed my leg so hard I still have tiny fingerprint bruises. I think he bit the inside of his lip.

So after getting the Bradley introduction, reading materials and course overview, we started at 9:20 with the Bradley exercises with the promise of moving on quickly to the guided meditation and relaxation techniques. Janet told me to close my eyes while she turned down the lights, put on her sleepy voice and a Yanni meets Seaside 8-track (not really, it was a CD), and led me through a side-lying guided meditation while Ray and the 19-year-old nursing student (did I mention that she was there observing for a paper she has to write for college? Oh, and that her name was Nicky and Janet kept interspersing Jackie every other time she referred to her?), sat on the floor next to me for 20 minutes feeling really uncomfortable. At least Ray expressed that she just had to be feeling the same way he was, "I mean, how could you not?"

We ended the session with really big, heart-felt hug and promises that next week wouldn't run so long but she really appreciated the extra time. We'll see if she keeps to it tonight. We go in an hour.

I Am A Very, Very Bad Man Jerry

2008-04-17T22:07:00.016-04:00

Okay, unintentional hiatus over.

I had nothing much to say except pregnancy stuff (boring!) and then I went on a vacation to Cali without my computer and then when I got back I was SUPER busy catching up with work and the house and then I couldn't find my computer (tucked it away somewhere "special" before I went away...under the comfy chair in the bedroom - who does that?!).

Anywho. Sorry to those of you who were checking and getting the same obnoxious baby picture each time you showed up.

Here are a few highlights from my trip (Seattle to Bellingham to Vancouver to San Francisco to Napa to Oakland to West Palm Beach):

Cat With A Cast. Yes sir, that is Tikvah with a broken leg. Pity this kitty doesn't know his leg is broken...he keeps jumping up and down from table to counter to chair to floor. And guess what? The leg isn't healing. Duh.

Dog In Baby Carrier With Shades. Dudes, we saw six of these scenarios that day. WTF is going on? Here is my husband's immediate reaction:

A side trip to Canada to see some of my ballet girls from oh, say, 20 years ago! Everyone looks exactly the same, except we're not in sweaty leotards and tights with baggy knees.

Mmmkay, how cute are these two little monkeys? Ladies and Gents, meet the Twin Godbabies Remy and Nate.

I could just get a large spoon and eat them both.

The Bay Bridge from our hotel room in The Embarcadero. Just moments earlier, the sun was shining so brightly that we couldn't even see between the buildings.

Napa: A Room...

With A View

Ray had a great suggestion. Our lunch at Auberge de Soliel was so lovely and serene that he said we needed to make this our "Happy Place, " the place we need to go to when the munchkin is screaming his/her head off at 2:30 am and we want to escape. I think I may go here often...

This side of the road diner has The Best White Pistachio Ice Cream In The World. Period. We went a number of times. I couldn't stay away.

Glorious folks I used to dance with at Oakland Ballet back in it's glory days (late 80s, early 90s).

End of the fab holiday with an even fabber guy

Two Worlds Apart

2008-03-28T20:41:00.004-04:00

Picture this:

A cozy couple, snugged up on what is lovingly referred to as the ComfyCouch, a plush, gooshy two-seater made for lovin'.

I am trolling iTunes for some baby music, a lullaby or twelve if you will, so that our child can drift off into unfitful slumber as soon as possible (fingers, toes, and anything else that will, crossed).

And My Guy, volume at near max, killing aliens and assorted villains on Resistance Fall of Man, smacking his thigh and swearing like a sailor every time he gets demolished.

What? It's close to romantic.

Huzzah!

2008-03-25T11:52:00.002-04:00

Looks like everything is tickety-boo with the babens and the host. Just got back from the perinatologist and the marginal placenta previa has gone away, the baby is weighing in a one pound, and bones and organs are measuring perfectly - best of all, we don't have to go back.

Again, StubbornBaby wouldn't get in the "traditional" position for an ultrasound profile picture, so the nurse took a quick 3D picture. Umm, creepy. He/she looks like a clay baby, or something not quite cooked from Star Trek. Have a look for yourself. My guy asked that we not do that again. I agree.

Sticky Situation

2008-03-24T21:03:00.002-04:00

So I have Book Club on Wednesday night. Kinda not looking forward to it. Here's my dilemma:

The book was chosen by one of the girls - an old coworker of hers wrote this month's book titled Why Jews Don't Camp. And he is going to join the discussion.

And I hate the book.

It is a self-published piece of unfunny, racist, seemingly unedited (are you listening Ms. Bad EditorPants?) drivel that prides itself on zero timing and annoyingly repetitive phrases. What. The hell. Am I going. To say?

"I, uh, liked the reason you wrote the book - let's talk about that and only that for two hours, mkay?" (His friend got breast cancer and he wrote a chapter a week to cheer her up during her chemo treatments. Frankly, the chemo must have been a cakewalk next to the torture of weekly chapters. Hmm, maybe this guy could've been on to some sort of alternative treatment- perhaps a sort of reverse psychology...)

Anyway, it's just sooo bad, you guys. And I found out today that one of our ladies really loved the book. Thought it was the funniest thing. I'm going to seriously reassess my feelings for her now.

Will tell you all about it on Thursday. In the meantime, wish me luck for tomorrow. Hopefully it's my last appointment with the Old Pregnant Lady Specialist.

A Perfect Opportunity...Missed

2008-03-20T20:56:00.002-04:00

So I went and met my girlfriend yesterday for drinks (lemonade - we're both preggers) at City Place in West Palm Beach. The attendant in the lot didn't have anything other than ones and I didn't have anything smaller than a twenty. It was a two dollar charge, so she shelled out eighteen singles and I was on my way.

I wanted to surprise My Guy for lunch today so I stopped at Mickey D's for burgers to go. I pulled up to the payment window after placing the order and it was around eleven bucks and change so I whipped out my fat bankroll and counted off twelve singles.

What she said: "Oh, ha ha, are you a waitress?"

What I didn't say: "No, a stripper."

Dammit.

I Probably Wouldn't Put This Profession On The Short List

2008-03-16T16:42:00.006-04:00

So, if you're a germophobe, living in the Big Apple, what would you say would be one of the least favourable jobs you'd want to undertake? I think right there on the list with:

Collections - Recycling, Sanitation Department

Inspections - Food Services, Vermin Department

Registered Nurse - Bellevue Mental Institution, Fecal Obsession Ward

Teacher - Tots and Toddlers Daycare, Bring Them Even If They're Snotty

Pipe Maintenance - Waste Management, Sewage Department

would be

Driver - New York City Yellow Cab, Manhattan Proper.

I couldn't believe my eyes when I looked at our driver through the sneeze-guard like, Lucite half-barrier. He was holding the steering wheel, one-handed, always one-handed, with a what looked like 4-hour-old fast food napkin. I say approximately 4 hours because it was damp, wrinkled and slightly torn in the most contacted part of the paper. How could I see that if he had it firmly clamped between his skin and the worn leather skin of the wheel? Every time he signaled or put it in neutral with the shifter, he'd lift the napkin delicately, but speedily, and place it on the needed apparatus. And the guy signaled every single time he engaged in a dangerous move, sneaking in front of other angry impatient cabbies and clueless losers who shouldn't be allowed to drive in the city.

It was as if I was watching a San Francisco street performer juggling handkerchiefs at mach speed.

Upon further inspection, I realized the dude was sitting on the requisite wooden beaded car seat with a sheet of plastic between his pants and the offending (oak? ash? whatever) cover. First thought: slippery. Second thought: sweaty!

And to top it all off, I peeked around the corner and saw that his back was being supported with a tatty pillow...covered in a plastic Whole Foods bag.

Now, honestly. If you have an obviously major problem with germs, would you have said yes to this job? A job where hacking, coughing people from all walks of life, drug addicts, whores, teens with over active hormones, degenerates, babies, people who like to lick things, etc. hang out in your extremely confined space all day long and hand you dollar bills which may or may not be diseased all on their very own? I say no. No!

In addition, if you look very carefully, he has one of those knotted string bracelets on. It is old and frayed and I'm willing to bet, if it was tested, probably had more germs on it than a toilet seat in Grand Central Station.

Almost at 20 Weeks - More Tummy

2008-03-15T09:50:00.004-04:00

Mind - this is a few weeks old...I'm a bit bigger now.

Still waiting for the first movement. I can't bring myself to use the word "quickening" - it freaks me out. Kinda sounds like the title to a horror flick. But all my pregger buddies have felt kicks and squirms - even their husbands have!

Jealous!

Mmmmkay - I was feeling like a fraud, so I took another picture a minute ago and here is the new me (or should I say us?).

It's Obvious I'm Obsessed

2008-03-13T16:42:00.006-04:00

...or maybe it's just because I am spending so much time in the can lately (pregnancy peeing is like the never-ending story).

I just had to share these with you - and no I was not perverted enough to do this while someone was in there with me.

Click on this image to get a bigger, better idea.

Okay, so you can see your own under parts...big deal right? Not if there is someone next to you!

Or if there happens to be someone waiting for the next available stall.

Am I right or am I right?!!

ps (I wonder if Larry Craig could have benefited from this particular bathroom design...?)

pps (which leads me another question: If a gay man is looking at his mirror image in this flooring, would his doppelganger be straight?)

Can I Ask A Question?

2008-03-12T14:26:00.005-04:00

Should shiny, shiny, mirror-reflective black tile be allowed on the floor of a public bathroom? I'm working out of My Guy's office in Manhattan, and the Ladies here (and assume the Gents too) has this very inappropriate flooring material that basically says "Hi! I'm sitting next to you, also looking at the floor looking at you, looking at me and wondering, can you really see me as well as I can see you? And wow, don't you use a lot of toilet paper? Kind of resembles a bee-hive doesn't it. Three wipes? Wow, now four - kind of OCD there, eh? No, I don't really want to look, but I need to make sure that you're not really looking at me, and trust me sister, I am not making a move in here until you are gone and can no longer look up my skirt, nostrils or vagina."

Thanks, that is all.

The Niblet Has Been Profiled

2008-02-25T14:35:00.003-05:00

17 weeks - and still stubborn. Wouldn't get into the right position for the ultrasound tech. She told me to get dressed, hit the can, and jump around a bit to get him/her to change position. Here's what we got...we didn't even need to be careful about looking in the WhatGenderAreYou region. Legs were tightly crossed barring any viewing. Modest little bugger...