Thanks Dad!

Yeah, so since we are splitting up for Thanksgiving - Mom and Dad with Lex and Me and Ray with Sash and E (Elizabeth and Lexi's birthdays fell on Thanksgiving this year and cousins are visiting on Saturday for the big family dinner so it's okay), we invited The 'Rents over for Thanksgiving Breakfast - to be a tradition from here on in - hello. I said we'd have a light breakfast of fruit and cereal so as not to ruin the appetites needed for the later day pig-out. 

Well that idea completely fell through yesterday evening when neither Ray nor I felt like cooking dinner so we ordered Chinese. The steak was already marinating, however, so we decided since the huge meals the next day weren't happening until 3 and 4-ish that we'd go for the steak and eggs in the am.  Well, this prompted my dad to come to the realization that if we were having steak, we needed to have wine, time of day be damned.  

I Like It!

We are pleasantly buzzed (no worries, I've already fed the wee'un) and nicely full. We're doing this again next year for sure - maybe even on Easter too!

Now I just have to figure out how to make the stuffing and dessert for this afternoon without ruining it or my buzz...

It's Fresh It's So Fresh, Exciting...So Exciting And New

Inspired by something I read on Whiskeymarie's latest post about newly sharpened pencils, I'd like to list the things that I find exhilarating when they are brand new/fresh.

- blacktop tarmac
- bed sheets
- newly rolled out paint, of the wall, paper and nail variety
- T-shirts
- mascara wands
- book spines
- kitchen sponges
- vacuumed carpet
- the first squirt of toothpaste
- a box of checks
- a bar of soap
- dollar bills

Definitely not on this list?

- pointe shoes
- jeans
- gloves
- cars (I abhor new car smell - makes me vomity)
- shower liners (again, the plastic-y smell)
- thongs (both foot and booty)

It Was Good...But Maybe Not Worth Missing You All

Top Chef catch up was decent. I think we have a good cast this season - some really talented chefs. Happy to have my Wednesday night show back. Not that I can actually watch it on Wednesday nights...I'm usually unconscious by 8:00 pm.

Little man is all consuming - no new news there. He is stinkin' cute though, I have to give him that. Fat as ever, he is flirting with the idea of turning over from his back to his front (he can already turn from front to back), I mean, he is basically a round ball. The thighs on this child are epic. I guess this will mean more vigilant watching on the change table, etc.

Sash and E are in Costa Rica learning to surf for E's 40th birthday. I am super jealous. Apparently, they are woken every morning by Howler Monkeys charging across the roof of their walless house. Surfing ensues at 7:00 am followed by fishing excursions and perusing the green market in the afternoon. I think they are exploring a waterfall tomorrow. But hey - how can I be jealous? They are considering this their Honeymoon. I mean, c'mon, they've only been married for almost ten years...it's about time for one of those, no?

Mom and Dad are looking after their two sons while they are away for the week. They (the 'Rents) are looking a little bit ragged. We met the four of them for chocolate chip pancakes at Ellie's 50s Diner this morning and Mom turned to me today with a look that said, "We're not as young as we used to be..."

I hear you.

I'm not as young as I used to be either. Or as well rested. Or as groomed (I can't remember the last time I shaved my legs).

Or as stylish. I was watching Tim Gunn's Guide to Style today and it made me feel frumpy, worn and out of date. I changed my outfit three times before I left the house. Maybe I should send in an application. Maybe I will cut my hair and go o n a shopping spree once I have dropped these last ten pounds of baby weight. Or will I be waiting forever for that to happen? I finally got back into the 120s three days ago. My jeans fit (but can not be closed yet...I am using a hair elastic to hold the top button together). Jeans and maternity T-shirts. that's pretty much my uniform right now.

An Aside: Don't go into Target on Sunday afternoon at 3-ish. It's mayhem.
*sigh*
'Tis the season.

Did I mention the Coldplay concert? It was crazy good. My calves were wrecked for two days afterwards from standing, dancing, swaying and jumping up and down (oh, and the step class I took that morning didn't help matters much). So versatile, so talented are those four men. Thoroughly enjoyed myself. Now, if I can catch Peter Gabriel in concert I can die happy.

Sweet heaven! I'm eating a piece of cherry pie. I thought I didn't like pie all that much. I guess I was fooling myself, because this stuff is like crack under a crust! Yum.

Anyone out there watching True Blood? I am both intrigued and annoyed by it. It's kind of like Lost to me. Enough with the questions already, I want some answers.

I'm going to go back to my pie now. I need to look for a spoon so I can cook some up and shoot it into my veins. I wonder what a cherry high is like...?

Decisions, Decisions...

Hmmm, write a quick catch up post or catch up on Top Chef...

Sorry!

Baracktimus Prime

Never have I been so happy to have our baby wake us up in the night. The timing was perfect: he started stirring at a quarter to eleven, just in time for us to turn on the TV and see the most amazing news.

Barack Obama to be the next president of the United States of America.

I am floored, relieved, amazed, privileged, awed, excited, and thrilled to be able to see this day. I feel like a collective weight has been lifted from this country's shoulders. This is the first day. We are going to get the respect back from the rest of the world that has been whittled away these past eight years. And Barack is going to get it for us.

I am so pleased to be in NY during this election day. This borough is going absolutely ape-shit. Our apartment building was screaming and howling in delight, then it spilled out into the street, grew onto the block and I can still hear the celebration on what I am assuming is a very full Fulton Street and Flatbush Ave. If I didn't have a sleeping baby in the other room I'd be out there with them.

What a time. What a time. A gay wedding on Friday and an African-American in the White House on Tuesday. We are back on track America. I am pleased to be living in the country again. Thank you for having me.

Mario and Daniel's Big Day

The wedding was a big hit - they were married in the city hall in Oakland and had the reception in their home the next day. It rained hard the entire time but we were not bothered. The cake was lovely and the grooms were in high form hilarity.

A visual for you: I needed to nurse and their joint is tres small. I chose to use their bedroom which was doubling as the coat rack room, and tripling as the pass through to the bathroom (where, if you were a woman, you have to nestle your knees under the bathroom sink - seriously cramped space) (in fact I am now remembering a large woman who joked about resting her large breasts on top of the sink to make herself fit...). Their bed is a la the princess and the pea - super high and pillowy - and is adorned with a crushed green velvet and red raw silk striped duvet cover. I was ensconced in this bed surrounded by matching pillows and pictures of the happy pair in varying states of age, including an Andy Warhol like print of the two of them in black and white. I'm telling you there's nothing like a gay couple's bedroom decor. Anyway, anyone who was in the kitchen (I had a surveying view through the doorway from my perch) or coming into the bedroom for either a coat drop off or a bathroom "drop off" saw me up high looking like the Queen of Sheba, nursing her princely King-to-be. It was a terrific way to say hi to everyone at the party - kind of like a weird receiving line!

Mario and Daniel's Big Day

The wedding was a big hit - they were married in the city hall in Oakland and had the reception in their home the next day. It rained hard the entire time but we were not bothered. The cake was lovely and the grooms were in high form hilarity.

A visual for you: I needed to nurse and their joint is tres small. I chose to use their bedroom which was doubling as the coat rack room, and tripling as the pass through to the bathroom (where, if you were a woman, you have to nestle your knees under the bathroom sink - seriously cramped space) (in fact I am now remembering a large woman who joked about resting her large breasts on top of the sink to make herself fit...). Their bed is a la the princess and the pea - super high and pillowy - and is adorned with a crushed green velvet and red raw silk striped duvet cover. I was ensconced in this bed surrounded by matching pillows and pictures of the happy pair in varying states of age, including an Andy Warhol like print of the two of them in black and white. I'm telling you there's nothing like a gay couple's bedroom decor. Anyway, anyone who was in the kitchen (I had a surveying view through the doorway from my perch) or coming into the bedroom for either a coat drop off or a bathroom "drop off" saw me up high looking like the Queen of Sheba, nursing her princely King-to-be. It was a terrific way to say hi to everyone at the party - kind of like a weird receiving line!

Happy Happy Gay Gay

So we are a part of history and I have in on film.

We flew to San Francisco two days ago to attend the nuptials of my two very best gay friends in the the whole wide. Mario (my old dance partner at OBC) and his life partner Daniel (aka Diva Dan, drag queen extraordinaire) got hitched at the court house in Oakland yesterday, just four days before a decision is to be rendered in California regarding gay marriage. Tied the knot just under the wire! Take that you conservative A-holes. The fact that there can even be a decision pending on whether or not the great state of Cali re-creates two classes systems, the have and have-nots of marriage, is beyond me. I'm hoping that when our son is ten, twenty, or even fifty years old, he can look back at his time here and say, "Yeah, I went to one of the first gay weddings, I was there back when two men or women getting married was controversial. Weird right? I know...it was like slavery or the civil rights movement."

No on Prop 8!!!

So we're off to their reception today. Should be a hoot. These two know how to do it right...their previous house parties have been beyond fabulous so I can't wait to see what they've done with this bash-to-be.

Did I mention that the cutest most coordinated baby of all time rolled over last Tuesday? Well he did and I also have that on film. Did I mention that he is also the fattest baby of all time? Come to think of it, maybe that's why he rolled over...

Grand plans yesterday post wedding included driving to Napa Valley, checking into The Harvest Inn (where we Honeymooned), visiting a few wineries, going to lunch at Auberge du Soliel, having dinner at Mustard's and returning the next morning.

Not so much.

We did in fact make a reservation at Mustard's and we did in fact drive to the valley and we did in fact visit Silver Oak's new facility and Plumpjack's tasting room. However, we did not: eat anywhere, reserve a room at the Inn, or stay any longer than two hours.

We were so beat that there was a collective sigh when we decided to head home and crash at the hotel after eating a fast dinner down in the hotel restaurant. Best decision ever. We were in bed by 8 and up at 11 tending to the Greedy Eater.

Having an easy day today. Need to go on the search for a gay wedding card, you know, "To the happy Groom and Groom." Then we'll eat some lunch and get ready for the par-tay. Packing has to be crushed in there somewhere as we are out of here at 4 am and on a plane to Brooklyn.

More later, with pics if I can get it in a pile!

CATCH UP!!

MMMMMMkayy. The babens is out for a walk with the other parent, so I have a chance - finally - to do some serious blogging. I'm so excited I could spit.

Maybe I will need to do this in stream of consciousness form since I am limited on time and I want to get it all out without thinking about it too much.

Our child is enormous.
Seriously. Gargantuan. I'm not sure where the capacity is coming from because we are both pretty slight people, but he is, and has been publicly called, a "bruiser." Keegan is 3 months old and 17 pounds. Let me put this in perspective. My Aunt brought my dad's birth book from England with her on her visit so Ray and I looked at the various weights recorded in the book. He was 17 pounds when he was 6 months old. A lady in the grocery store said her son - though small through out his life - was 17 pounds at his 1 year birthday. Our kid is already courting the 6-9 month clothing set. He is one chunky monkey with thighs that would make Colonel Sanders' throw the chicken aside and call for a child-sized deep fryer.
This just means there is more of him to love. And we love him a lot.


I am missing my blog.
I am having the hardest time finding time to do this. Luckily, I have my iPhone which I can manage one-handed when I am nursing (which is all the time - see above). But it isn't the most convenient for commenting on blogs or, more to the point of this paragraph, creating posts. Tons has happened in the past few weeks, but I can't get it down in the computer. It makes me feel a bit disconnected from the world, but I'll get over it. Or I'll get better at time management. (Moms - does this ever happen? I see you all managing to get on your computers.)


Going back to Cali.
My old dance partner, Mario, is getting married on Halloween morning - to a famous SF drag queen. Mario and Diva Dan have been together for 16 years or so and now, that they can, have decided to tie the knot. It should be a hoot. I think Daniel is not going to be married in drag. The ceremony is at the court house, they both have to work that night, and then the day after is going to be dedicated to a big bash under a tent in their backyard. These two are famous for their parties, so I can't wait. Many pictures to come. After that we will be going on to Brooklyn and I have to get organized for a child in colder weather..


Grantie and Gruncle
Aunt Liz and Uncle David came to visit to meet Keegan. They are such a fun loving couple and very young at heart so the Great Aunt and Great Uncle labels don't exactly fit. We tried to call them G.A.L. and G.U.D. but that too did not stick. We came up with Grantie Liz and Gruncle David two days ago. This is going to work well for them. Liz is so generous and would grant you the world and David is a bit of a grinch when it comes to children and animals so, yeah, the names are perfect.


Another wedding.
cK is gettin' hitched! And we're invited to a very intimate ceremony and celebration at his family cabin in MN. So listen all y'all bloggers in The Land of Lakes - we're getting together in a bar either before or after the blessed event. I am so looking forward to meeting you guys. Clear your calendars and don't you dare go on vacation around the 27th of June. We'll be the family in the RV. No shit. My mom came up with the idea of flying into Minneapolis and RVing it in a camp ground the rest of the time. We may even drive up to Winnipeg the weekend later for my cousin's wedding. This could end up being very ugly for my husband. His idea of roughing it is going to a hotel without reservations. But it should be some cozy kind of fun...

My Mac.

I love it. Period. Though my iTunes is still a little messed up... where are my playlists?

What else?

I think the right person won Project Runway, I can't wait for Top Chef NY, and the jury is still out on Top Design.  Do I like this show or don't I? I don't make the effort to watch it in Prime Time, but it is the first thing I will look for at three in the morning while I am sitting up, propping up Keegan to help him digest one of his three mid-night meals. Who, by the by, is now sleeping three, four and even five hours at a time! I never believed the talk about the magic age of three months, but everything seems to be smoothing out. Perspective changes, man. I would never had thought that I could get excited about a three hour chunk of sleep. But I do, I do!! 

So I think that is a decent bit of information sharing. My boobs are tingling and I think I might hear a squeak from the crib in the next thirty seconds. Ciao bellas, talk at you next time. Hopefully it won't be as long as the last hiatus...

Macalicious

So here I sit - in front of my new MacBook Pro...loving it (except I can't import my playlists from iTunes properly. Will have to figure that out later.

Aaaaaaand will have to post more later as Liz and David from England just came through the door. They are Great Aunt and Great Uncle to Keegan and they aren't keen on the title so we're changing them to Grantie Liz and Gruncle David. Should go because now I'm being rude doing this and trying to talk at the same time.

More tomorrow during nap time.

Sounds Like The New McDonald's Sandwich

I am mid Mac-switch. Catch up with you soon. I think I'm going to love the new computer. Wish me luck...I hear it's easy.

I Give Up

I'm just not doing it anymore.

Cutting my son's nails has become a nightmare so I'm just not going to do it anymore. I cut him EVERY TIME! I don't know if the clippers are defective, or if I'm just completely blind, but I catch his little fingertips and it makes me feel like a monster.

How do you do it? I'm thinking itty bitty nail file? Chewing them off? I mean my god - I'can't hurt him every four days when his dracula like claws grow out!

Help?

Got Tagged, Just Now Getting Around To It

Sorry for the delay Madwoman...Obviously I was busy trying to kill my child (see previous post), or at least get a shower in, or a full meal...whatever. Here we go:

Six fantastically unremarkable things about me.

1) I'm a picker. I like zits (both white and black), scabs, boils, boogers (both mine and yours), ear wax, etc., and Oh My God I have a child now to pick things off of!! Woot! I discovered yesterday, however, that I do not like picking infected fingers. My Guy had an ingrown fingernail that he has been digging at with various and sundry filthy objects like scissors, tweezers and pushpins. It got puffy a few days ago and turned slightly green yesterday. He asked me to poke it with a sterile (surprise there) needle and squeeze it so he could relieve some of the throbbing pain. I acquiesced like any good picker would do. WHAT? It had potential! But then when I pricked the mound (that sounded dirty) loose, watery, greenish yellow pus burst forth and quite frankly grossed me out. There was not much pleasure in it at all - even when I gave it several good squeezes to get the rest out. I think, for me, the appeal of the ooze is in the thickness.

2) I am just gross (see above) and am comfortable being that way. Take me or leave me.

3) If you want to entice me, offer me chips - the saltier, the better. Sweets don't do it for me (she says eating a chocolate chip cookie with her tea...). I won't tire of the chip - I'll weather the ripped up mouth from masses and masses of salt n' vinegar crisps, but I will not, repeat, NOT, go any further once the twinge of sickliness washes over me from too much sugar. Bleah.

4) I think inanimate objects have feelings. I feel sorry for neglected things; I wonder if certain of my rarely used spices feel rejected, or if my towel is screaming to be washed. Can toys really communicate and does my third-in-line-brush pine to be used? I don't know, but I do wonder.

5) I have super hard teeth and my nails and hair grow like stink. I never rue a bad haircut. It's gone in like 6 weeks.

6) I am scared to do things for the first time. Once I buck up and get it out of the way, no big deal...I'm all good. The thought of driving a car before I had actually done nearly paralyzed me. Nowadays, I'm afraid of the prospect of going out to new environments with my son. Target was a big step. Will he choke in his car seat from spit-up? How do I unload the car efficiently? Will the car seat be best in the front of the cart, or should I put the whole deal in the body of the cart? Or should I just bring the Baby Bjorn? Or will he freak out and cry the entire time inconsolably? Will he want to be fed? Where do I do this? Should I just stay home?

ps - I did Target at home at week 2 and I just did it here in Brooklyn this morning. Maybe next I can tackle the subway to the city. Now I just have to contemplate the laundry list of fears I have about that one!

OMG!! I Won, I Won!!!!

The Bad Mother of the Year Award goes to....

Lollie!!!!

After heavy debate between the judges, it has been decided that Lollie locking her infant son inside the apartment while taking the stroller downstairs in preparation for a nice afternoon walk trumps Allana Moundburger's daily overfeeding of bacon to her two-year-old Mathida!

Yes, I am retarded...who doesn't check that the latch on the self-locking door isn't clicked? Who got rejected with a hearty NO! when she asked a stranger across the street to borrow is cell phone? Was it her crazy bedhead? Maybe the dirty T-shirt and poor fitting sweats? Probably the fact that she had nothing on her feet? More than likely all of the above with the panicked look on her face. The Holy Crap What Have I Done and How Do I Undo it?!!

George - you kind and wonderful man - I owe you big time for calming me down after I found you eating your lunch on the stoop taking a break from refurbing the place 5 doors down. You tried to break in with your Home Depot gift card (thus ruining it and losing a pantload of money that could have been spent on lumber and caulk and such) (I'm paying you back dude - seriously - I just need to get to an ATM). You cracked another card before you realized your criminal breaking and entering skills were not up to snuff. You retrieved a ladder from your crew and climbed to our second story window (after saying you'd have scaled the wall had you not had a ladder), popped the screen and climbed in the window. You passed my perfectly safe and sound infant who had no idea anything was wrong, who was, in fact, quiet for the first time all day long. You mercifully didn't express your discomfort when the previously mentioned wild-eyed, crazy Bad Mother hugged you when you opened her door.

George, you are my hero and I applaud you for being a kind human being...unlike that first piece of shit waste of human skin who snubbed me outright without registering the desperation in my face. Asshole. What ever happened to Pay It Forward? I'm looking for my next desperate citizen whom I will help without a second's hesitation. Please do the same for your fellow man...or wild-eyed, crazy Bad Mother.

I emailed my Mom yesterday who is in Prague and told her about the ordeal. She wrote back, "Okay, you win." - hence the title.

Whoo Ahhh

VERSION 1 won!

except we left on Sunday at 11 - we ran out of diapers

6 Weeks And I'm Free Baby!

Catch you suckers on Sunday - We're off to The Ritz!!

Had my 6 week check up today and the doc says I am race ready for long, hot soaks in the bath, exercise and some seriously overdue fooling around.

My Guy is treating us all to 24 hours of bliss in a practically empty (off season) hotel. We're going to rule the roost, lord the land, hog the hotel. We'll arrive at 2, eat some lunch, walk on the beach, check in, unpack, flirt, get massaged in the spa, swim, enjoy dinner reservations, score a movie in bed, maybe fit in a little bang bang and then catch some sleep. The next day we will just take advantage of the $85 credit for in-room food and stay in bed until check out at 4.

That's in a perfect world.

We may just end up being slaves to the wee one's beck and call (aka scream and cry). We may both end up looking like Phyllis Diller on her worst day.

I'll let you know which version we end up with...

A Few Things

- went on a date on Friday - sans child! It was awesome - I drank a cocktail (ginger ale and vanilla vodka - yumalicious...ode to Project Runway there)
- going to Brooklyn on the 13th for two weeks - avec child! First airplane trip...need advice on security and car seat maneuvering (anyone? Bueller?)
- got the wee one to sleep in his co-sleeper all night on Saturday, no bed time at all (I consider this a major coup. Oh and don't get too excited, it wasn't all in a row - we are far from that yet)
- I think Aunt Flo came last week (is this possible? Keegan's only 5 weeks old!!???!)
- I've been given the shopping directive again (need a bed, dresser, table and chairs, sofa, and baby accoutrement for the NY apartment - yahoo!! Look out Am Ex, here I come!)
- We had a birthday party at the house for my mom yesterday (and we survived the entire family coming to the house...the lasagna was awesome sweetheart! Thanks for relieving me of the cooking.)
- I managed to eat breakfast before 11 am, have a shower, pay bills, clean the kitchen, do the laundry, blog and make lunch today (you were right mom...it is getting better...)

Something I Thought I'd Never Do

So what's the weirdest non-toilet thing you've ever done while you were on the toilet?

Before the baby, I'd have to say it was, oh, maybe filing my nails. You know...we women like to multi-task. Reading - fairly normal to some - I've done it. I still do it. It's pretty much the only time I can find to do it. I think I may have blogged a time or two on the pot. I have never eaten in the can (though I can admit that I have finished chewing a mouthful of sandwich while getting...umm..."set-up").

This is my new accomplishment:

Nursing while in the biffy.

Ugh.

Never thought I'd to it, but necessity is the mother of invention. My Guy was gone, I was already in the middle of nursing and well, when you gotta go, you just gotta go. So we just went.

Gross right? Mom's? Anyone else share my shame? Bueller?

Storm Watch

The only other thing to report was yesterday's blowout. Keegan started choking on the changing table when I was doing his diaper, so in a panic, after a whole load of milk came out of his nose and mouth, I picked him up...without a diaper on. He then proceeded to pee all down the front of freshly showered me. In the sleep deprived fog, I think I thought that I could catch the flow between my knees. Not so much. So he kept freaking out so I could only comfort him by nursing him. I decided to throw him over my shoulder and get set up when he barfed cheese on my shoulder. He was also wearing a good deal of it. Let me sum up the scene for you.

• Cheesy barf on his face, clothes and my shoulder.
• Pee down the front of his onesie, my bra, naked tummy, underwear, freshly shaved and lotioned legs and the carpet below.
• Milk dripping out of my boobs onto his face, shoulder, onesie and my tummy.
• Then he pooped ferociously. (Luckily I had the presence of mind to whip on a poorly placed diaper before we got to the nursing chair. It held.)

There we were, sitting in squalour, me wondering what the hell just happened. I went from this






to this





in a matter of seconds.

This Is My Life

I get excited if I can manage to accomplish one thing in a day. Pathetic, I know. Some past daily milestones:

- painted my toenails

- went to Target (still without the baby...I'll get there)

- grabbed a shower

- answered three emails

- shaved legs

- unloaded the dishwasher

- cooked a real meal

- drove to the pediatrician without Ray

- did two loads of laundry

- cleaned the kitchen counter

- got bagels and coffee on Saturday morning

Keep in mind that the entire list above would be a normal Saturday-before-11:00-am kind of activity in my previous life.

Am I adjusting okay? I don't know. I think I'm keeping it together pretty well, but I am kind of struggling with my new identity. What is it right now? I know it's "New Mom," but what is that really at this moment? Your basic vending machine, that always has one eye open to make sure the baby is still breathing/not choking/dry/happy/well-fed.

I'm told this too will pass.

But I'm okay. I'm really okay. Because we have this...