Sunday, June 10, 2007

Crop A Palooza

I am done. Done with chicks and their estrogen, scissor blisters and glue in my hair, as well as carb-heavy lunch buffets.

Actually , it wasn't all that bad. Truth be told, I kind of had a good time. This totally appealed to my artsy craftsy side. My ass and back were killing me last night at about hour 10 (there were 36 uninterrupted hours of Scrapbooking Bliss to be had - vomit - seriously, some ladies stayed up all night and "cropped"). E's Auntie Laura started both days by saying, "I'm so excited I'm sweating!"

This was the scene:

Several "Paloozas" happened in that 36 hours.

There was:

Ginch A Palooza
It was 8:00 am...too early to check in to the hotel, so I had my overnight rollie with me (full of paper and glue and scissors and crap a palooza, so what's the first thing that goes flying out of my suitcase as soon as I open it? My green thong. Went over real well with the surrounding old ladies who were welcoming me into the fold. They looked at my thong twisted up on the green and bright blue carpet and back to me like, "Are we sure we want her sort here?"

Snicker Palooza
I set up, walked to the can for the last pee before I Got Busy, and was met on the walk back by a very haughty I'm So Important Business Lady in a Navy Blue Double Breasted Suit who looked at me like I was on her side when she rolled her eyes at the sign reading that Crop A Palooza was in the Emerald Suite. "Crop A Palooza" she muttered, eyeing me, "Phhhtttt, tsk." Good start to the weekend. I'm already being mocked.

Dram A Palooza
L couldn't come to the whole weekend, but she showed up to say hi. Or rather, she showed up to say hi to everyone but G. G and L had a fight that morning - a long coming, pent up emotions kind of talkin' to fight. G's feelings were hurt. G cried. E consoled. An hour of cropping was lost.

Strip A Palooza
The highlight for me was when Auntie Laura was telling a story at the 1st day's lunch break. It involved her son and his wife, who had come over to have lunch with the visiting "mother" of one of the 85 foster children Auntie Laura has had through her home (I'm not exaggerating that number, seriously). Anyway, she was telling us how that crack mama can't sit still and how she always crawls around, literally, inside her clothes. Auntie Laura proceeds to act out how this mother was behaving by inserting her hand, then elbow, then forearm into her stretchy aqua blue tank top. At one point she totally flashed the entire lunch patio her boobs, concealed in a big white bra, and was laughing away at how her son, at the time, was trying not to look at the crack mama - who was sans big white bra. It was a hoot. She's a great story teller and "doesn't give a whip" (one of her expressions) who sees her underwear.

All in all it really was a good time and I'd probably do it again...but only if the chair massage lady comes back and rescues me around hour 10. If she isn't planning to come, I'm going to go Custom, like some of the ladies there. They brought their own friggin' office chairs complete with cup holder for the table. Only my Custom Accessory won't be a stupid chair - it will be my own masseuse.


cK said...

Wow. The entry has cut a swath of destruction through the Plains of My Incredulity.

You should have used that thong IN a scrapbook! Think, Lol, think! You had an out on that one.

(When did you start wearing underwear?)

H said...

You went to a scrapbooking convention? You are a brave, brave woman Lol.

I agree with ck -- the thong would have been great in your scrapbook. You could have made a page about arriving at the event.

Lollie said...

Wow - how could I have missed such a gloden opportunity? Maybe I should take pictures of people's underwear over the next 6 months and I can make that the theme of my next Crop A Palooza scrapbook.

Sassmaster said...

Dude, I thought scrapbooking was a cult. Don't you have to turn over all your money to Archiver's? Still, if Auntie Laura likes it ...

whiskeymarie said...

My scrapbooking method:
1) Put all pictures in a box under the guest bed.
2) Look at every 6 months or so.
3) Eventually forget who the people are in half of them.
4) Take more pictures, repeat steps 1-3.

Worker Mommy said...

Really 36 hours ? I'm amazed at your stamina.

I'd love to scrapbook and do wonderfully crafty things with family pictures...but then laziness rules out in the end.

H said...

For my little brother's high school graduation I made a scrapbook of his senior football season. Given that football was over in November and he graduated in May, I had plenty of time to assemble said scrapbook.

I ended up spending the last two nights before his graduation throwing his scrapbook together while drinking Smirnoff Ice.

Procrastination always wins out in the end.