Unreal

We made it.

With luggage.

The Pain in Spain Stays Mainly in My Brain

So, I'm a sarcastic ass and I do my best when complaining...kinda hard to be sarcastic when you are happy with your surroundings...comprendo? So, I will start by saying this has been an awesome trip and we've loved very nearly every minute of it.

Excepto, today-o.

Up at 4:30 am, testy cab driver to la aeropuerto, long suspicious looking line at Air France (ps - fuck you Air France, you baggage losing losers) to find that, what? excuse moi? Air France is on strike.

Le guh.

I've said it hence, and I will probably say it many times forth, I love traveling with My Guy. He has status on Delta and trust me, in a pickle, it can get you pretty far...out of long lines that is.

We got a flight to San Juan, Puerto Rico on Iberia, after much searching, only to find that the Air France Fuck Counter Guy neglected to actually book anything. The Iberia Counter Guy, only slightly less a Fuck and who mirrored Stanley Tucci in his saddest, darkest most independent film, was the slowest moving Spaniard in the entire country. For those of you who have been to Spain, you know I'm talking beyond molasses, beyond three toed sloth slow. He had to go confirm with his manager that our flight transfer from Air France (fuckers) was legit...so he walked away from his perfectly functioning phone, and stopped to peruse a magazine on the way down the hall. He returned in 5 minutes and proceeded to take, I kid you not, at least a half an hour (after asking for our, meaning my, home address and telephone number ????? Ray jumped in and gave him his cell number then the dude asked if we were brother and sister! I said we were married - the service got even slower).

Can't get all the way through to Miami so in San Juan we have to collect luggage, go through customs and check in at the American Airlines counter. Two hour layover...think we'll make it? Highly unlikely. I already took a picture of our luggage before it left so it can be identified.

So here we sit waiting for our 1:45 flight, in the Madrid airport since 5:15 am. We. Are. Over. Spain.

This Is Me, Doing This

This place is awesome - gargantuan and very swish. So nice to have flown here for free (thank you Delta points) and had accomodation provided (thank you Timesharing Auntie and Uncle).

All we've shelled out is cash for food - reasonable, and booze - plenty. What you can't see in the picture is my lovely constant companion, Cuba Libre, sitting on the floor next to me. It is A and U's 16th Anniversary today, so we sent them to the spa for massages and then we are going out for dinner tonight. Via taxi. Which means more drinking. Mas. Yay.

Kat has requested pictures, and I am assuming she means of Gunter's man boobs, Sven's Banana Hammock and whatever it was that the Nigels of the world are offending us with. I will get on that in the next few days. There is plenty of fodder...I just need to figure out how to do it without being obvious (like yelling "Hey Mr.! Show me your tits!").

I will apologize now for any spelling errors. As I am in Spanish land, the spellcheck says everything is spelled incorrectly, so I'm too lazy (read, drunk) to go over it all with a fine tooth comb.

Here is the view from our balcony. This was the first morning when we were greeted by the neighbourhood pirate ship.

Quick Update

48 hours without luggage - a nightmare...finally got it today at four - I am in my very own clothes and I keep hugging myself every three minutes, muttering mine mine mine!

This place is full of Germans, Brits and Swedes - already I am tired of looking at Helmut's man boobs, Nigel's fanny pack and Sven's banana hammock. No really it's amazing here. Very swish and resort-y. Loving it - will fill in later...I spent too much time reading everyone else's blogs and catching up on the laughs. Must go have dinner with the Auntie and Uncle.

Had wonderful news today and celebrated with champagne. We are on track - cK, you will know what this means...

HE CHEATED!

Yeah, so No Voltage Night was a success.

Almost.

We had a lovely evening - with a delayed start time. He had to send two more emails off and was still not not feeling perfectly well, so we compromised and I went by myself to get the food shopping done while he went and finished up electronically.

Then we started in earnest. We chatted while prepping the food (an easy pork stir fry). We drank wine while cooking. We ate in front of the TV - with it off. We talked some more about family and kids, etc. Discovered some perceived differences which were good to discover sooner rather than later. We got the ginormous World Atlas out and laughed about funny names, got geographically educated and played the If We Were Stinking Rich Game - you know the one, the one where you close your eyes, open the Atlas and point to your next fabulous vacation destination. We chatted some more, did the dishes, made tea and finished upon the couch.

I forgot that I needed to mix the cat's food for the next few days. We're trying out a new combo of grocery store food and instant mashed potatoes so the mank doesn't keep getting UTIs. Too much information I know. So there I was, mix-mastering with the best of them, while My Guy was upstairs, making, what I thought was, the bed.

I grab the cat and guiltily pick up my new iPhone thinking, hmm, maybe I shouldn't even bring it upstairs...but I do need it for the alarm tomorrow morning...and proceed to pad upstairs thinking to myself This was great - we should really do it more oft...

I turned the corner and stopped dead in my tracks. I dropped the cat and my jaw. "I can't believe you!"

Picture a deer in the headlights, or better yet, a raccoon pawing through your garbage can at midnight, eyes the size of saucers, "What!?" He says, trying to sound wounded.

"Are you reading your email?!"

"I was up here all alone with nothing to do!"

"Are you effing kidding me?" I leave you alone for five minutes and you're attached to your Crackberry reading your email?"

"No!"

"Well what are you doing then?"

...

"I'm reading and answering an email."

"GAH!!!"

I was so stunned I just left the room.

He put it down saying, "You're right, you're right. Look I'm putting it down...I'm not even sending it."

He followed me into the bathroom trying to placate me, asking if the whole evening was ruined. We agreed it was a slip and he'd do better next week.

Then he has the gall to say to me, "Well since this evening is all about sharing...can I tell you about the email?"

I glared. He stopped.

No Voltage Evening

At My Guy's behest, we are having an electronics-free evening tonight. Yesterday, amid the Blogging, Playstationing, TVing, iPhoning and Crackberry text messaging, he looked at me and said, "Hey...how about sometime this week we actually just have a night where we cook together, have a real conversation and read books in bed?"

Wow.

Has it really come to that? Have we been so involved in our virtual relationships that our real relationship is suffering? I have heard of Second Life Widows...are we on the road to a virtual divorce? Do we really have to pencil in a night to shun all things distracting? I guess so.

So, tonight is the night.

I thought I'd get my blogging in at work so I'm not tempted to break the rules during our "quiet time."

Bet we're asleep by 8:15...

On A Runaway Cart, Rolling Recklessly Close To The Big Four OH!

Timestamp:

2 hours and 13 minutes to my birthday...

38. Huzzah.

Things That Make You Go...

So, I noticed something interesting in the doc's office this morning.

When you are in grade school, you run across friends in the playground.
When you are in junior high, you run across buddies in the 7-11/Dairy Queen/Burger King (insert your place here) parking lot.
When you are in high school your run into acquaintances in the mall.
When you are in college, you across old pals and past lovers at frat parties.
When you are in your middle years, you run into people at cocktails parties.

When you are old and have retired to Florida, you run across old friends in the doctor's waiting room. This happened twice this morning, with two different couples. "Fancy meeting you here!" "Jerry, it's Ellen - look!" "After all this time!" "Hey, we have to quit meeting like this - what are you in for?"

And then they talked about how their Grandchildren had run into each other in the playground.

If I Had Balls...

I was walking down the street the other day, wearing my new high steppers, carefully picking through the broken shale sidewalks, when a be-dreaded young gentleman sitting on a stoop said to me, "Excuse me! 'Scuse me...how can I learn to walk like that? No, I'm serious, how can I learn to walk like that?"

...myriad shots ran through my head...

"Nuke your nards"
"Worship the tranny"
"Get in these heels"
"Buy a vagina"

...but I chickened out, chuckled, and just said...

"Ballet lessons"

Lame, I know. If I was a ballsy chick, much like I imagine Whiskeymarie to be, I'd have gone all out, but I didn't.

More Photoshop Fun

But from Whiskeymarie this time!



Hey Workzilla - hear it! On the playground of life, there's always a bully who is bigger than you!

Sass, You Are Providing Me With Endless Photoshop Fun

Sassmaster - this could go on forever...

Below: Continuing Mil Milington's string.



Angry Position #7

Mmm, Mmm Good

So I'm as sick as a dog (what exactly does that mean anyway? I've never seen a dog hacking and coughing or sleeping with a tissue stuffed up its right nostril like I did last night).

First order of business this morning, after clearing my nose and throat of about 4 pounds of snot, was going to the Korean market down the street and buying up their entire stock of chicken noodle soup. I had the childhood favourite, Campbell's Chicken Noodle soup for breakfast. The noodles were a little bloated and soft, but honestly, when you are sick and wanting comfort food, nothing works like a huge spoonful of those gelatinous, squishy worms.

I moved on to Progresso's Chicken with Barley for lunch. I was so bloated from the 7 mega mugs of tea that I actually took a slotted spoon and forewent (is that a word?) the liquid. Not quite as comforting as the whole pasta deal, but the wee pearls of barley really were pleasing. I still have a can of Progresso Chicken with Rice and Homestyle Chicken Noodle, but I'm so sick - not from the cold...of soup - that I'm venturing out for a burger and spicy fries at Burger 67.

Sujay says they are the best fries ever, so I'm going to challenge his claim. They will have to be spectacular to outdo Barney's curly fries in Oakland. Gotta run - literally, my nose is running so I have to go.

Yeah, so the burger joint was closed. What, Brooklynites don't eat curly fries on Mondays? I had to go to the Irish pub on the corner - the one to which I will never be returning. The staff is cold, no one watches anyone's back behind the counter, there's a whole lot of "uh, not my problem" back there, and my to go order took 35 minutes (though I did get some good Rugby watching in, I was getting pretty pissed), when I finally got my food - that I had to remind them about - my fries were soggy since they were sweating next to the burger in the go box on the counter for fifteen minutes. I asked them to redo my order. The guy next to me was right in his assessment. "The food is good, but the service sucks." Too true, and folks, I can get good food anywhere in a three block radius around here.