Friday, February 22, 2008

My Laptop Blew Up

So yeah - I got a fatal error on my laptop so it has to go to the hospital. I'm being bad and taking time out of work to post. Don't tell anyone.

I got pulled over for speeding yesterday and I'm pretty sure the baby and I are going to Hell.

We we're rushing back (aka driving as I normally do) from the conference in Orlando because I wanted to get home, see My Guy and eat a steak.

E sees the Copper before I do and tells me I better slow down.

Too late.

He whipped a bitch, clicked on the cherries and took off after me. I stop, knowing I'm caught (only after a second of contemplation...maybe I could get off at the next exit and lose him with some crafty moves? But then a vision of COPS went through my head. Working for me: I was in Florida. Not working for me: I was wearing a shirt and I certainly wasn't drunk, so the equation didn't fly.)

After E asked me to roll all the windows down (we were in my brother's car which has illegally tinted windows), I did what I thought I would never do.

I pulled the pregnant card.

Big Brim and Aviators: "Ma'am, do you know why I pulled you over?"

Me: "Yes Officer, I'm sorry, I know I was speeding...but I'm pregnant and I really need to pee! I know it's not an excuse to speed, but..."

Big Brim and Aviators: "License and registration."

(Fuck)

He went back to the disco car and proceeded to look me up - and then he was writing something.

(Fuckfuck)

E: "Don't worry, I'm sending over Warning Karma."

Me: "Forget it - I'm getting a ticket - I was doing 88 in a 70."

E: "Trust me. It'll be a warning."

BB&A sauntered back to the car with ticket in hand.

Big Brim and Aviators: "How many months are you?"

Me: "4 months."

Unbelievably, BB&A sticks his big brim and aviators into E's window to get a better look at my stomach! I immediately push it out as I see him start the dive.

E: "She just tiny."

(I love that girl.)

Big Brim and Aviators: "Well, I'm giving you a warning..."

Me: !!!!!

Big Brim and Aviators: "...but I need you to slow down."

Me: "Yes, Officer. Of course."

Just for show I got off at the next exit to fake a pee stop.

I didn't really need to go.

Maybe my version of Hell will be needing to constantly pee while being endlessly pulled over my the Devil in a Big Brim with Aviators:

4 comments:

cK said...

Cannonball Run III: Baby Mamas on the Lamb.

You are champion, Lol.
-cK

christina said...

i'm totally going to use this. although i'm not pregnant, i'm frequently bloated. PS: i got pulled over two nights ago for not having a tail light and also got a warning. maybe it's national warning week.

Whiskeymarie said...

You should try robbing a bank now- just to see how far you can push "lawbreaker karma".

Just a thought...

SuperBee said...

I love that. I'm going to use it next time I'm pulled over. "Officer, my secretary is pregnant, but I really need to pee!"