So yeah - I got a fatal error on my laptop so it has to go to the hospital. I'm being bad and taking time out of work to post. Don't tell anyone.
I got pulled over for speeding yesterday and I'm pretty sure the baby and I are going to Hell.
We we're rushing back (aka driving as I normally do) from the conference in Orlando because I wanted to get home, see My Guy and eat a steak.
E sees the Copper before I do and tells me I better slow down.
He whipped a bitch, clicked on the cherries and took off after me. I stop, knowing I'm caught (only after a second of contemplation...maybe I could get off at the next exit and lose him with some crafty moves? But then a vision of COPS went through my head. Working for me: I was in Florida. Not working for me: I was wearing a shirt and I certainly wasn't drunk, so the equation didn't fly.)
After E asked me to roll all the windows down (we were in my brother's car which has illegally tinted windows), I did what I thought I would never do.
I pulled the pregnant card.
Big Brim and Aviators: "Ma'am, do you know why I pulled you over?"
Me: "Yes Officer, I'm sorry, I know I was speeding...but I'm pregnant and I really need to pee! I know it's not an excuse to speed, but..."
Big Brim and Aviators: "License and registration."
He went back to the disco car and proceeded to look me up - and then he was writing something.
E: "Don't worry, I'm sending over Warning Karma."
Me: "Forget it - I'm getting a ticket - I was doing 88 in a 70."
E: "Trust me. It'll be a warning."
BB&A sauntered back to the car with ticket in hand.
Big Brim and Aviators: "How many months are you?"
Me: "4 months."
Unbelievably, BB&A sticks his big brim and aviators into E's window to get a better look at my stomach! I immediately push it out as I see him start the dive.
E: "She just tiny."
(I love that girl.)
Big Brim and Aviators: "Well, I'm giving you a warning..."
Big Brim and Aviators: "...but I need you to slow down."
Me: "Yes, Officer. Of course."
Just for show I got off at the next exit to fake a pee stop.
I didn't really need to go.
Maybe my version of Hell will be needing to constantly pee while being endlessly pulled over my the Devil in a Big Brim with Aviators: