The Good, The Bad and The Ugly Friday

The Good:
Got home and my neighbour Steve just dropped off freshly made pesto from his garden
The Bad:
Went upstairs to see my sick Mankmonster - Kitten has another UTI/elevated kidney level thing
The Ugly:
She hadn’t moved all day from the bed and I lifted her to find that she had left a puddle on my pillow.

The Good:
Drinking a G&T on my back porch
The Bad:
My homemade stir-stick/straw is too short to sip from so Sensitive Teeth here has to drink from the glass dipping and bobbing between ice cubes, grrr
The Ugly:
There is massive dove poop under my fence and an inch of dirty dust on the glass table out here - can't a girl just enjoy her TGIF drink at the end of the day?

The Good:
My ex-husband still calls me to chat
The Bad:
He has an investment idea
The Ugly:
He wants us to go in on a restaurant venture…YIKES!

The Good:
Had a lovely time with cK during his visit
The Bad:
He had to go
The Ugly:
Garganto backup on the ramp to Airport Departures (we maneuvered the Mini into the long-term parking lane and I dropped him off on time – Bonus: got out of the parking lot without having to pay! Whoo!)

The Good:
I finally got the collected Wall Street Journals out of the back of the car
The Bad:
There were 40 of them
The Ugly:
I transferred them into the recycling bin and cracked the shit out of my shin carrying them into the garage

The Good:
Baby Ryder's baby-acne is almost gone
The Bad:
His mom picked his cheek zit
The Ugly:
I enjoyed watching it

I've Got My Eye On You

Bad Hair Day

I saw a lot of bad hair yesterday (and on myself today - ugh). I was in Miami for a day-long business meeting. I think I counted 2 rugs, 2 bad dye jobs and 1 Dude, you need some conditioner. These were all on men. And this was before we all went to South Beach for dinner at Mangoes.

In South Beach, the bad hair belonged to the very sunburned man from, I'm guessing, Norway (Holy Banana Boat was he pale). It was wispy, combed over (NO!) and in no way sexy. Also not sexy was the hair on the not so sexy women (most of them looked like men in drag - wait...we were on South Beach...maybe they were men in drag). One last member of the Miami Bad Hair Club was the dyed-pink lap dog on the corner of Ocean and 8th. Pink - bright pink. Fuschia pink. If that dog looks like she's chasing her tail, I'm going to put money down that she's actually trying to run away from the hideous colour that is her. Bad owner! Bad, bad owner!

Le Pomme Grande

So in the interest of reading this when I'm 80 and remembering what a lovely time we had, I'm simply going to list everything that happened this past weekend. It won't be funny or engaging, but merely a laundry list of stuff. So you may want to drop out now.
Friday
No begging, no pleading, no hoping. I automatically got upgraded, just like that. Thanks Delta! You're not the rat-bastards my dad says you've become.

Cabbed into the city (love the ride from JFK - it revs me up for the entire stay) and checked into the UN Millennium Hotel. Ray met me an hour later and we got a cab to the meat packing district to meet PJ and Barbara at the Spice Market. Cool huge place, cobbled streets outside, inside, waiters dressed like Buddhist monks, spicy Thai food served family-style. We ate downstairs after having a drink at the bar. Had my "city cosmo" but it came in one of those glasses that has no stem. Not the same. We hit another couple of bars after dinner...not sure the name of the first one, but we ended up at The Campbell Apartment. Where I got cut off. By my husband. Maybe it was the weaving.

Saturday
A little sleep in and off to Chinatown for Dim Sum at he Golden Unicorn. Train back uptown to Central Park for a stroll down The Mall past Robert Burns and our bench. Who brings nothing but high-heeled boots to NY? Where you walk everywhere? Me. The Hobbled Tard. Thankfully I was able to sit for two hours while we watched Dances Patrelles at the Ailey Dance Center. I realized partway through that I was sitting directly behind Cynthia Gregory! What a thrill.

Met Joe, Amy, Sujay, Robin and Henry at The Black Duck for dinner. Sweet little place, 75 seats, we had a booth in the back. Ray wanted the night to go on, so we went back to the hotel bar for a hot minute. We decided that it was really not happening in there so we took our drinks upstairs to the room...and promptly fell asleep!

Sunday
After another little sleep in we went to The Brooklyn Diner (a staple) for brunch. I love, love, love their Eggs Benedict. We said a while ago that we should really take advantage of being in the city when we visit, meaning, we should see more theatre, so we went to see Alfred Molina in Howard Katz and were blown away. It was totally engaging in every way, the acting, the lighting, the staging. To see such professionalism is awe inspiring. I believed everything Alfred Molina said, went through Howard's thought processes with him, held my breath in his silences. I loved it. It's a gift to see such a gift.

Ray and I had an early dinner at our Italian restaurant , Nino's Positano. It is newly expanded, but we wanted to sit in the old section. I had to pack, so we went back to the hotel and I caught a cab driven by a crazy old Greek who yakked and laughed to his brother on speaker phone the entire way. Delayed by two hours, I landed at 1:00 am, got into bed by 1:40 and stayed awake, unable to wind down, until 2:30.

Off to NY

I woke up early, packed up the bag (nearly packed the cat - she was hiding under my scarf), and am continuing to have a lovely morning. I think the highlight was sitting outside on the back porch, watching the cat sniff at the morning breeze, while I ate French scrambled eggs out of the frying pan with a spoon.

Looking forward to the trip...no work to do, just a simple weekend consisting of enjoying what the city has to offer and good dinners with several friends. Will catch up with y'all on Monday!

Alright New York...it's up to you!

What Did You Say?

Turns out I won the genetic lottery today. I found out that, like my Father and Grandmother and Nana and Grandfather before me, I have hearing loss in both ears. I am relieved and upset at the same time. Upset, obviously, that as a young person, I have a hearing problem that could become worse with time, and relieved that I am a) not going crazy b) not tuning out my husband, and c) that said husband doesn't have a volume deficiency, a pronunciation impediment, or a really mean sense of humour as in "I'm going to purposely garble everything I say so that she goes nuts!" I just can't hear him very well is all.

Sucks getting older, no?

I wonder what will go next? My eyes are already rapidly deteriorating from needing them for reading as a 16-year-old to "Where the eff are my glasses? I can't see a GD thing! Oh, there they are. That's better...is that a HAIR growing out of my CHIN?!"

When I was dancing, we used to laugh about our tights at the end of the day. They were all wrinkly and baggy at the knees. We called it elephantightis. I have that now. But I'm not wearing tights...

Even now, as I look down at my reflection in my laptop screen I can see that my neck is suffering from its own unique form of elephantightis. I used to quite like my long neck - I thought it had a slightly elegant quality. Now it just means I have a lot of extra skin to watch hit ground zero as I age.

I can probably no longer claim myself to be blonde, dirty blonde, ash blonde or any kind of blonde at this point. Under the brunette dye (my winter hair) I think I'm pretty much non-descript neutral with a very large smattering of grey. Very large. Especially along the part-line. Note to self: flip your part to the other not-so-grey-side tomorrow.

I still kind of like my wrinkles and laugh lines. And I wouldn't trade any part of my life for the fountain of youth. Plastic surgery scares me - both the thought of getting it and the results I've seen on way too many women down here in Botox Raton.

Meh. Phooey on aging. I'll take it on. I'm not going to quit now.

Ellie's 50s Diner

This morning, we took my nieces to breakfast at a 50s joint here in town. There were several bits of memorabilia so we spent an unusual amount of time trying to explain the Times Gone Past to a three-year-old.

Why was there a pink Cadillac outside the restaurant so close to the door and was it for sale?

Why was there the back half of a Cadillac inside the restaurant and why did it have big DVDs and coloured tubes of bubbles in it?

Who was the statue of the lady with the blonde hair and red lipstick and why was she holding down her dress?

Why did the statue of Vegas Elvis and the picture of Young Elvis not look the same?

James Dean? James Dean! What kind of silly name is James Dean, Auntie Lollie?

We ended the 50s blitz by teaching her how to sing Happy Birthday Mr President. I'm sure her parents are not going to be pleased with us...

Ugly Lollie

Umm, yeah, so it's 3:00 pm and to confirm, this morning was ugly.

I thought I was fine at 4:00 am when I toddled downstairs to get some water. I didn't have a headache, but I think it was because I was still drunk.

I thought I was fine when I woke up at 7:00, so I had some more water and then went back to sleep until 9:00. Got up, saw how lovely the day was and read my Freakonomics book in the backyard with some tea and toast.

Thought I was fine.

I was wrong...all that accumulated liquid decided to leave my body, via the way it came in. Explosively. Repeatedly. It's astounding how quickly nausea can take over your body. It's like a ninja attack. You are defenseless.

And then it's over, just like that. Some Ramen noodles and I'm right as rain. This not the first time I have been named Queen of the Puke and Rally. And it will certainly not be the last, even though I never want to drink again.

Holy Bejeez - Am I Drunk

I was at Rachel's - a West Palm Beach peeler joint tonight. After a Filet Mignon Oscar and three cosmos and am feeling groovy. I am guessing that tomorrow I will be feeling no so groovy. ..bleah. Saturday morning may be ugly...

Falcon House

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.

On a whim, we decided on our favourite haunt, The Falcon House. (cK - Timmy's wearing a fez in the web pic!) I was early, so Timmy and I got into a discussion about merkins. I asked myself, Self? How can you be 37 years old and not have heard of merkins before? I knew that the pubic toupee was big with Japanese women, but I never heard the name for it.

Ray arrived, there was more conversation about the merkin, then wine, a few jokes that Timmy is always good for, and we ended the evening by drawing rude pictures of male merkins on drink napkins.

During this entertainment, we sated ourselves with the best food in Delray. Ray had one of our two usuals (Steak Diane, the other being the Duck Risotto, which neither of us had this time). I decided on the Snapper Francesa for the first time...and trust me - it won't be the last! The food, atmosphere and the company there is fantastic. Anyone who visits will be subjected to the Falcon and you will not be disappointed.

This Lady Could Be Smeared Pink India Ink

So my Pops is in India at the moment, sloshing around inside a potato factory waste pool looking for leaks in the liner. He sent a picture today from the inside of his car during the 1-hour ride to the plant. Yesterday he mentioned to my mom blithely (and rather stupidly) that he was surprised he made it to the plant alive because of the treacherous road. Now she's worried sick he won't come home alive. So today he sent this pic with the accompanying note:

Thought you might like to see the camels and trailers and the little kid being held by its side-saddle mother on a main highway - baby seats, pfft!

I'm telling my mom that I'm leaving Ray and moving to Mumbai with my lover/moped-owner Sardhi, father of my unborn baby!

It All Comes Back to the Bloomers

Bloomers
Spring blooms eternal
Bed springs
Rest in bed
Rest easy now
Easy ride
Ride 'em cowboy
Cowboys 'n Indians
Indian summer
Summer school
School days
Days of thunder
Thunder thighs
Are my thighs fat?
No, but you could cover them with bloomers...
Bloomers!

Share your Round Robin poems...

New Pants!

Hey look at my new bloomers!

It's going to be a sad day when I am unable to change my underwear...

Pretty Much Snarky

PMS - I have the pedal to the metal on this at the mo'. I'm so embroiled in being embroiled right now that if my bag had been bigger (or my head had been smaller) I might have stuck my face inside the bag of Sour Cream and Onion chips I ate for breakfast. Instead, I simply opted to cut the bag open and lick the salty dregs off the inside of the foil bag.

I'm going home now to finish Ray's bag of pretzels, the corn chips that have been sitting on the counter since last week's poker game (stale be damned) and I may even entertain a package of Ramen noodle mix, but without the noodles.

Nobody better stand in the way of me and my NaCl. Does anyone know where I can buy a salt lick?

Book Club Report

Book:
A Wedding in December

Author:
Anita Shreve (of The Pilot's Wife fame)

Book Club Members:
Lollie – Book Selecting Club Instigator. Said book chosen because it was in the bargain bin at Barnes and Noble. I was sick of not having a Book Club experience, so I bought 6 copies of the novel for $5.95 each and handed them out to random women at my brother’s Super Bowl party)
Elizabeth – Mood Making Host Extraordinaire. Sister-in-Law and Co-worker who ran out to take her Krav Mgraw class an hour and a half before hosting. She specifically placed lamps and candles in her unlit living room to create a lovely space for the chics)
Kim – Boob Jobbed Voracious Reader. There was never an uncomfortable quiet moment all night due to Blondie – love her…in small doses. Husband bow-hunts and feeds the family game at least twice a week. 4-year-old son is a yellow belt in some martial art.
Jen – Most Looked Forward To Member Winner. She is great reader, good suggester of books and the only other one of us with Book Club experience. Wish I lived closer to her. We'd be BFFs for sure.
Lisa – Husky Voice Femme Formidable. Lisa has terrific stories about her previous life as a HRS staffer, started on the advocate side, saw some really disheartening situations and moved to the fraud department. After telling us how she broke her ankle chasing a car to get a license number, she said “Detective work is my true calling.”
Shirley - Book Club Provoker. Cheerleader for the Book Club during a neighbourhood Christmas party. "You should do it. We should do it. I would love to do it!" She looks like a Cheerleader too - beautiful blonde, but with three girls.
Laureen - Martha Stewart on Steroids. I have never met a more organized person than this woman. She had no time to read the book, and knew she wouldn't and we were informed of this early in the month. She wanted to attend anyway and bring dip.
Gina - aka: GinaDoesn'tRead. She likes to hang out though. I was very pleased at the end of the evening when she said she was interested in "reading" our next book, Freakonomics. "Do they have it on AudioBooks?"

Book Club Menu:
Drink - Zinfandel (Seven Deadly Zins), Chilean Cabernet (Carmen?) and some white stuff for Lisa. Gina brought her own Crystal Light.
Appetizer - Sushi from Publix (really not bad at all), cheddar cheese plate, BLT dip on bread (Laureen always gets her recipe on, see earlier MSoS reference).
Dessert – petite fours, chocolate chip/white chocolate chip/macadamia nut cookies. And more wine.

Minutes:
A slow start - for only five seconds. Then everyone dove in. We were surprised to see that the back of the book had ready-made Book Club questions, but we never got to them. We had enough conversation of our own. The best comment was made by Jen and it made the whole night for me. She said, "I didn't like the book very much while I was reading it, but now that we're talking about it all together, it is making me like it a lot more."

An hour later, we were all still talking about the book (Gina and Laureen sat patiently listening). After a bit, we kind of broke into individual groups. Jen, Kim and I continued on talking about books that we've loved and we were madly scribbling notes of each others' recommendations, Elizabeth, Lisa and Shirley went from a short conversation about books to the Anna Nicole Smith saga, and Laureen and Gina immediately dove into a dialogue about loads of laundry.

The wine was drained, the next book and venue were chosen, and the Suburban Egretto Girls said good night to a fabulous evening of Mommy-escape. Being the only non-development, non-baby-having-member, I climbed into my car and smiled to myself on the trek South.

New first rule about Book Club: You talk about, at, and after Book Club.

Book Club

First rule about Book Club: You do not talk about Book Club
Second rule about Book Club: You do not talk about Book Club

Fret not, I'll be breaking rule number 1 and rule number 2 shortly.

I will keep you "abreast" (that was for you Hulles) of the evening in a future post - probably the next one, unless something fascinating happens to me before then.

Oh Sweet Divine

Crush like a Mohito:

2 blueberries

2 blackberries

2 raspberries

1 TBSP sugar

Add:

cubed ice

1 ounce (and maybe a splash) of grenadine (pomegranate syrup if you can find it)

1 ounce Pearl Pomegranate Vodka

Shake:

Like the dickens

Pour:

Into a rocks glass (fruit dregs and all)

Enjoy
Your Anti-Oxi Cocktail (now maybe known forevermore as a Dali Lollie).